The Story of my Life

Hard words came through my mail today...some of yall know- most of you don't. I was shaking, could barely walk, wanted to scream.

Dug myself into a hole again, too deep, too deep.

gripping the sides of sheer walls, im a master climber- my coach nicknamed me the comeback kid. I wonder if im strong enough to do it again.

Its time to take my shovel back out my closet. Do what i do best.

Down but not out.

Because pics are worth a thousand words

Papa and I went fishing yesterday. Actually my dad went fishing-i just posed with all the fish he caught). It was lovely, a day in the lake waiting for innocent fish to bite the rigged worm. I was hoping it would get hot out so that i could jump into the lake but the weather was breezy. No such luck.



When I was little, i asked my dad why he didnt go to church and he said that nature was his church. I didnt understand that until much later but it makes sense now.

Lets hear it for the boys!

The boys and I all hot and bothered after a long day of partying. See y'all- its their fault i dance like a gay dude! Damn i miss the old crew :( .

Sometimes I just like to watch-maybe we all do. sometimes I wish people could see what i saw, not necessarily the way i see it, but just some of the same things.

I'm sick of the dichotomy. The 'either or'. Making enemies of decent people for the sake of making yourself seem right or feel better. Demonizing others never worked for me- left me empty.

So many things make me feel empty but luckily small things seem to fill me up. smiles and hugs, oceans and puddles. Mountains and anthills. People who are trying there very best. Warmth. Its all so wholesome.

They say nothing matters to me, but they really do. Don't be fooled by my non chalantness. And true- most things dont phase me, i dont really notice somethings but i do pay attention.

I see what i want to see

The San Francisco Treat

Greetings from San Francisco (and no the Asian chick in the picture is not me)

So yesterday Sprint PCS decided that i had been using my phone entirely too much so they cut me off. There is nothing more embarrasing than having your phone cut off, and why im putting this on my blog- i have yet to figure out. (please note this blog will probably be deleted once i get my senses back). They sent me a text message that said something along the lines "Your service has been turned off until further payment" at 6:30 pm- long after i could get to a bank and withdraw some money to pay it off. In fact i was enjoying a nice trolly ride into fishermans wharf when i got that devil text.

So stuck without a phone i imagined evreyone and they're mama trying to call me. I mean people know better than to blow up my phone- and we've established a while ago in my old Xanga blog that i'm not a phone person. But still i was anxious that i would not have my service back until the next morning when my bank would be open. Then the thought of that message people get when they try to call your phone "The person you are trying to reach is unavailable" they cant even leave a message.

oh they joy.

This morning i woke up extra early , walked through the fog to my bank- paid my bill off and 20 minutes later i had service again.

I have never been so happy to hear my phone ring
-alii

There isnt much to say today

I guess i need some inspiration.

Maybe ill ride into the city and go to the highest hill to take pics. Get lost on purpose. I seem to be good at that.

I miss her/you/ smiles at 801

alii

I'm a tree!

(Because trees where blue jeans and white tank tops)

Yesterday I grudginly woke up and attended church. I love my church but sometimes the minister gets a little long winded and i usually depart long before church ends. (Yeah thats me- leaving right before the offering-2 fingers up like a playa).

blah blah blah- we did this and that

Then we drove to Muir Beach which is on the other side of the bay. I had never been there and neither did i know how to get there but it was okay. My lovely directions landed us atop the golden gate bridge overlooking the bay. Angel and L wanted to beat the shit out of me because this was not where we were supposed to be going and here i am whipping out camera and making them do absurd poses. Hehehehehehe. I don't believe in getting lost- just taking scenic routes nowhere near where were suppsoed to be going. (Remember guys- no power to coincidences?...How soon we forget.)

So once we re-oriented ourselves we first went to the beach. Wanted to go skinny dipping but there were too many people on the beach. Its been a while since i had been to the beach. So after napping, i ripped my clothes off (i had a bathing suit)and ran into the ocean like a 5 year old. I chased the waves, going deeper and deeper until the water was to my chest. IT FELT SO GOOD. The ocean moves-its alive, thats the best way i can explain it.

Afterwards we headed to the woods. Saw redwood trees that have been there since 800 A.D. Redwoods are amoung the oldest trees and redwood forests are unique in that their roots are interconnected. I can go into why that shit is deep but i wont...just contemplate it for a second and go read the rest of the blogs on your circuit.

Had an amazing day-went to bed.

I woke up- did some errands, hung out with ms. L- got some pizza. and now im here.

until later

alii

I like

I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE....

(just wanted to share that with y'all) ;-)

The man next to me in this computer lab cannot read

he keeps pretending that he can then he'll turn and whisper to me...exciuse me- but can u read this for me?" I feel for him- and hes looking for a job. Well at least hes trying- and like my mom says- "you dont have to be perfect as long as you keep trying". Peoples efforts impress me more than anything.

I miss working in the Public library, even the crazy people who would come in and tell me all about a book they read 30 years ago everytime they see me. I'm not a kid person, but i miss them too, the way they bring their books in and peep through the book drop.

There was something consitstant about the crazy personalities. They were the constant. I came back and a city bus driver said 'hey alii, havnt seen you in awhile'- i told him i was off in college and he said"oh you gettin all smart now?". I laughed and he let me ride for free. Homeless people remember me, flea market vendors remember me, and even old, old communty college classmates remember me.

They pop up in the middle of the day when im feeling the most unsociable and remind me that i used to live here, that i was temporarily a part of this city, even though i tend to bad mouth it.

But most of all they remind me that i matter, and as different as i may think i am, it may not be a bad thing...

So i got part 2/3 of my root canal done, im seriously contemplating getting a silver tooth, plus i htink theyre cheaper.

I wrote one of my friends today, i hope we'll still be friends later

I really want to get back to Atlanta, or do something.

I'm seriously about to go broke- to the point where i wont be eating for a few weeks.

I think im going to run lake merritt today- to pretend like i actually stay in shape...Okay okay, i just like looknig at the girls running around the lake.

Maybe i might naswer my pohne before *gasp* my free minutes kick in

Can u tell i have nothing to do?

?

Alii

Alii was not born to fly!

I HATE PLANES.

Few things scare the shit out of me but a plane will do it. They say that planes are safer than cars but ive been in a car accident-a real serious one at that. But im still alive. I don't believe in Plane 'accidents'-

First we arrive at long beach airports. The airport is like in themiddle of the street. The plane runaways/yard is surrounded by a chainlink fence thats was so tore up we could have just walked right through it. Clark Atlanta has a better gate, even with those huge gaping holes that we climb through to get to woodruff on the weekends. So this airport has all of like 4 airlines all crammed into one half terminal. The baggage claim is outside under this circus tent . To get to airline, you then walk outside then back inside to scan your stuff.

Usually before i fly- i get drunk as all hell to alleviate my anxienty. But no not here. They had a snack table- you know- like a friggin bake sale. Cookies in a basket kinda thing. I then waited for my plane to board. Not in one of those extendible corriders thing, but we walked halfway across the yard, following some cones and up the side of the plane.

I shoulda known the drama was over.

Why when we walked on the plane were thre no lights? Hellll no.

Meanwhile the lights started flikkering as he started up the engine. He announed that there were some mechanical errors that needed to be taken care of so there would be a slight delay. I'm like- well shit- i can go tomorrow. So a gang load of mechanics entered the plane and started
hammering. I'm about to pass out. Soon he starts the engine and were cleared for landing.

Of course the plane was making this strange noise as we were ascending. I'm looking at the flight attendants looking for some sign that that shit is normal because it didnt sound normal. We finally reached cruising altitude- 33000 feet. It wsa jetblue so we had some TV's to look at. And just as we get somewhat comfortable- a big news flash comes across the screen.

An altitude 7.2 Earthquake has just hit northern California- Tsunami warning set for the entire coast of california.

The woman next to me started screaming bloody murder. I put my arms on her an assured her it was going to be okay- despite the fact that i didnt think so. She started crying saying that when we landed -a big wave wwas going to sweep the plane into the water. I held her hand for 15 minutes as we landed. Its a sketchy landing- especially at night becuase its right above the water and you cant really see anything.

I love the ground. I love when the plane hits the ground. Its the most sturdy feeling in the world to me. some people are water people, some love to fly...but me?

I love the ground

A Picture Share!

A Picture Share!

Long beach airport. Most ghetto airport i have ever been to

Is it time to go already?

I feel like i just got here!!! Just yesterday i was typing and crying about my grandmother and now im going back north. Leaving her here. I feel a little selfish, not sure shes well enough to be independant quite yet. Shell have my mother and grandfather here but im still feel like i need to be here with her. I'm going to miss cooking and cleaning for her, spending time watching showtime at the apollo on TV one. But i have to go back and get the rest of this tooth taken care of.

Alysia left her cozy surroundings and drove 2 hours to see me. I feel really special, that same feeling that i get when im surprised people want to hang out with me or enjoy my company. I guess years of not having very many friends somehow convinced me that im too strange or too something to really be liked, or at least accepted. Part of the reason that im so antisocial, is i just assume from the jump that the other person wont want to have anything to do with me.

(I dont make good first impressions...but i usually get it together by the third or fourth...just ask tiona or better yet..angel)

i got to spelman and met all these other strange black women-i think were magnetic or something because two days into the school year, i got sucked into a table full of them.

or maybe game recognize game

but back to beautiful alysia(see pic) -my twin with everything in common yet nothing alike-she scooped me up, we ate at the del taco near my house, spent the day at her best friend from high school's apt. Watched michael and went back home.

late into the evening- after calling hours, my no-reception-havin phone decided to send my voicemail messages that it had been collecting during the day yet didnt bother to tell me. I missed like 8 calls and 6 messages.

But i got a lovely message from ms. KW. So nice that i actually saved it and listened to it again.

Time to pack..im missing people already...

AG

Straight Outta Compton!!!!!

A.A.B. and A.A.G. posing with a tree...clearly were happy because of michael...

How ya like me now?

If youre reading this- it means you found me---or at least are on friendster. Hopefully this will stop random family members from calling and telling me i need to keep my business to myself.

and maybe i do

but hopefully this will keep a few of them off.

thanks for finding me

alii

Maybe your grandmother is one

Sometimes its nice just being a fly on the wall. Live in other peoples worlds for a few moments. Let your own differences teach you a few lessons. Today I attended a senior citizen social event for my grandmother. I was the youngest person there by about 25 years feeling a litle out of place. It was a beautiful affair, older black women decked out in their purple and red. And the hats...the hats

Oh I love hats. Especially big church hats that look like plates. My fascination with hats began in church. Our sunday school teacher used to make them. Once in vacation bible school(yeah im taking yall back there and if you don't know about vacation bible school, dont ask) we made our own hats. I made a black hat with electri blue ribbon and some glitter(shut up i was 6) for my grandmother. she wore that tackiness on her head the next sunday and still has it ot this day. But those hats.

But today it was different. I appreciated being in these womens presence. The Compton chapter of the Red Hatters. Listening to speeches about getting old and maintaining integrity as grandparents, i learned a little about my own grandparents. It was just a different experience. Just watch and learn...

Black women are too beautiful

-alii

A Picture Share!

80 year old women doing the cha cha slide never gets old