Fresh Meat

So theres some new 'family' on its way to spelman. A transfer student, 22 from the Bay, and her name starts with an "A". (sound familiar).

I peeped her yesterday at the club, talked with her a few times on the phone. Though statistically we sound similar, we aren't anything alike. But I don't care. I would type more but I don't want to put her on blast.

She's cool, i hope she likes spelman and vice versa. Its gonna be an interesting transition for her, and you know how im always worried about that. A new transfer...remember that Bettina?

Transfernites represent!!!!!!

Nothing compares to you

I havn't laughed in awhile- being here without my her leaves me with only half smiles and chuckles. Sometimes I scowl when i walk, i know this because people tell me.
Especially lately.

Went running around the lake

I ran 3.5 miles, my last mile was 7:05...im trying to get back into the 6's. My knee is still bothering me-- I hope it doesnt prevent me from playing soccer next semester. The bay is in the midst of a 'heat wave' as defined by weather over 70 degrees for more than 3 consecutive days. (They dont know heat..if im wearinbg a sweater at noon- it is not a heat wave)

Running is a great way to think, i don't like running with people- its distracting. So it was me alone with my thoughts.

My friends blog had me thinking about New England, where i was raised. I had the classical new england childhood. I lived in a 'town' of 26,000. Bundles up and went sleeding in the winter, jumped into the golden leaves in the fall. My brick school had a bell on the roof. It was a safe area, we could walk through town without incident. In middle/high school(my middle school burned down) I would walk 2.3 miles to school, and 2.3 miles back. Though cold, walking became like meditation. Seeing my tracks through the fresh driven snow as i cut through the park and on my way home they were frozen over. If it was quiet enough, you could hear the snow hit the ground. I can still feel my jeans heavy and wet, squeaking as i trekked into the school. Taking my snow boots off and changing into my regular school shoes, and a fresh puddle at the bottom of my locker.



Seasons, something that actually exists in New england, treks the passage of time. There are 4(not two) and they each come with their surprises and annoyances. Summers are 95 degrees and 180 days later its 5 degrees. Spring(birth) and autumn(passing) are in between, reminding us that nothing really lasts forever.

I have not returned to that particular home in 3 years. My house is no longer there but its still living in the back of my mind. A big yellow two family house that changes like the seasons.

Its funny how in july- running and sweating, i could only think of winter. I wonder if my mind purposely blocked out the memories of swealtering humid hot summers punctuated by an occasional hurricane. My mind longed for a blizzards, nor'esters, snow days. The loud humming of snowplows scraping the cement through the night, the snow blowers doing the sidewalk in the morning. The dead silence that snow brings. If i could i would make me a snowman right now and dance with it until it melted and my dream ended.

Back to sore legs and ben gay...

Her name is alysia

My first day of spelman, first class, I recognized her from her friendsterpic. I was too shy to say anything to her. It would have sounded something like "hi im ali and im gay".

she went away for awhile, far off to South africa- i thouht i would never see her again. thought i missed my chance to say hello. I was wrong.

she's special, special to me. She let me come in her room even when she wasnt there. I miss standing outside her window and shouting through the screen to let me in. Walking in her room and turning on the TV and kicking my shoes off like i live there.

Because without alysia I would see Charis a lot less, i wouldnt look at flat booty at the Vortex, No one would drive to compton to see me. no one to go to inserrections with. no one to compare locs to. My dance buddy at queer girls parties, my friend and sister...

So happy birthday to you and our locs,

alii

Me in the Deep Blue

Cooling off from the heat Wave in Lake Berryessa.

Went on the trip from hell yesterday

I knew i shouldnt have gone/ my instincts told me to stay in Berkeley, but i thought- hey alii, youre a square, why don't you go out and actually do something?

It ended up being one of these trips where i got stranded with these random people miles away from home. Alcohol and weed all over the place.

I would really go into the details but thinking about it makes me nauseus and irritable.

The moral of this story is- theres nothing wrong with being a boring square...

Alii

p.s. Someone please download that kanye song golddigger and send it to me. I hate to admit it- but i love it(for no particular reason)

Only the good die young

Last year during my second season of track, we had about 5 new girls join the team. One was this beautiful young woman named stephanie. A lifelong oakland resident, she was in her first semester of community college with aspirations of becoming a nurse. I liked Stephanie, during track meets while waiting for the races, she would braid my hair, twisting them into these elaborate designs that lasted maybe a week, then she would take them down. She worked at a hair shop, and i would sometimes stop in to say hello, trying on bright purple wigs and posing in the mirror. Right before my 21st birthday, I asked her to pick out some hair for me but instead she flat ironed it. I was going to Atlanta to see my best friend at morehouse. She laughed made it real cute and wished me luck in atlanta.

I made it to Atlanta, and while i was partying away in the morehouse suites, celebrating my 21st, she was shot. The next morning I get a call that she was dead, "accidently" shot in the head. fuck accidents. I understand there are no accidents but damn, one that leaves a 18 year old dead is painful to swallow. She was at the wrong place at the wrong time...

Sigh, i think of her often, almost every week. I imagine the anguish her family is going through as milestones past. Theyll never have her back.

Last week another 19 year old girl was shot dead in Berkeley. She was president of her high school Black Student Union, and had just completed her sophmore year on a full ride scholarship to Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. She majored in Black studies and was using the summer to intern in a womans shelter. She wsa shot dead in front of her friends alledgedly by another friend. the details are still sketchy, but the fact that she is dead isn't. Her funeral is today, the sight of her face almost brings tears to my eyes and i didn't even know her.

And i dont really know what i want to say. Don't know why im writing this . We all know violence is real, that it affects a disproportionate number of black males. I don't have any new words to offer. No new insight or perspective except for one who is completely saddened everytime we lose someone, especially someone who was doing everything right. but damn its sad. And i think about it all the time.

You can find me at the club...

bottle full of water

because im cheap like that and its free.

Last night Bea(Another one of these shared friends from Atlanta), Angel and I went to the Cafe, this bar/club in San Francisco. Though angel and I were not impressed, Bea found her way straight to the middle of the club, doing the most with anybody and everybody there. Meanwhile Angel and I got stuck with this strange girl who somehow kept migrating with us. Unlike a real friend who will rescue you from wierd people who push up on you in the club, angel just sat there and watched grinning. So i did what any good friend would do, told the girl to go dance with Angel and left her ass while i went somewhere else.

Unfortunately my plan backfired and she was waiting for me to get back.

Damn.

But wyhatever, kickin it wih Bea was real cool, we had a lot of fun. I'm glad she came.


Thats all,

Another attempt at breakfast

Todays menu was eggs and grits(Still broke). I got the egg done and i boiled some water for the grits. But when i looked for the grit box- it was nowhere to be found. So i was stuck with some boiling water and an egg.

when will it end.

But life can be much worse, i really can't complain. I often think of other things in the world and realize my issues don't even compare. People burying loved ones in Iraq, London, the US, and i'm complaining about there being no grits. Some people can't walk their own streets, dont have a stove, and im compalining about grits. Again there are worse things in life, and i generally pride myself in my ability to keep some sense of perspective. So i had an egg and some boiling hot water and my life goes on. Furthermore, boiled water is a luxury- especially if youre abroad and are fond of drinking lake water in india and end up with guardia.

I'll be heading back to atlanta soon, got a call from someone i hadnt heard from in a few monthes. It was pleasent. I'll have someone to practice soccer with so we can shine like powder blue jaguars.

But first i should actually get in shape.

-alii

Just one of those days

Today is starting out like one of those days.

Case in point-

I'm broke- as usual.
This morning i looked in the refrigerator and there was(and this is no exaggeration)

Malt liquor
eggs,
spaghetti sauce(mind you with no noodles)
condiments from McDonalds and KFC
I can't believe its not butter
Diet Mayonaise

in the icebox there was
frozen wet air(i.e. ice)
some frozen greens
and some other unidentified freezing objects.

Now with a refrigerator like that- i had to do something inspirational for breakfast. So i looked and found some kool-aid in the cupboard and decided to make scrambled eggs and koolaid for breakfast( i know y'all are jealous). This meal covered my 2 favorite food groups, meat and sugar, and looked somewhat promising.

So i crack the egg and as it was cooking, i prepared the koolaid. I put the egg on the plate and poured a nice tall glass of red kool-aid(I know your salivating now). I took a sip of the koolaid and wouldn't u know, instead of sugar I had made the koolaid with salt.

Now most of yall know i hate water, so there was 1 other option left. So i had an egg and malt liquor for breakfast. It really isn't funny. AT ALL.

So the moral of this story is ?
a. I need some money bad.
b. I need to go grocery shopping.
c. I'm a burgeoning alcoholic.
d. Sugar or salt- its all white powder to me.

I'll settle on A.

send your tax-deductible donations to the hungry alii fund. No amount is too small.

A sad excuse for a blog posting

I went to the club last night with a friend...

yeah thats all.

Oh you wanted more?

-alii

Since im out of words-

And this often happens, I whip out my camera instead.

ill try to share as many with y'all as I can.

I really don't like this green blog shit...i might change it again.

-froggy

Guilty pleasures

Things that need to happen before I move back

1. walk the Golden Gate Bridge
2. Take pictures of me walking the golden gate bridge
3. Learn to cook something other than top ramen, pita pizzas and ants on a log.
4. Learn to manage my money better
5. GET AN ACADEMIC PLAN TOGETHER
6. get all the misogynistic songs out of my head
7. Convert to heterosexuality- take a dick for a test drive
8. Learn the library of congress system of filing books
9. Seriously begin working toward my future career as a museum curator or archivist
10. Learn to twist my own damn hair so i dont have to stalk and bribe my friends to do it.
11. Photograph my sisters
12. Learn to publicly go dumb(ie get hyphy)
13. See all my dentists and doctors b4 my medical insurance runs out in January on my 23rd bday.
14. Get in shape for soccer season at Spelman since taking a bus 2 stops does not qualify as exercise
15. GET MONET

Finished the letter,

its in their hands now. I was thinking of posting it but it is too long. 4 pages. But thanks everyone who helped me with it. But if youre dying to read it- ill email it to you.

I have roughly two more weeks here. I'm pretty much set on a house in the West End. Its with a girl that some of you reading this blog know. Her name starts with an H and ends with eeza. Spelman alumna. shes got two dogs, one that at 110lbs is literlly bigger than me. I've heard good things about her, hope it works out.

In the meantime Ill think of something more interesting to write,

los dientes

I had part 4 of 5 of my root canal. The drilling almost drove me insane. they filed my tooth down to the gum and stuck a temporary crown on top. Running my tongue through my mouth i felt for the first time since i was 4 a gap in my back teeth. It threw me off for a second, it felt strange and airy.

I have a gap in my front teeth. I'm used to it now. I used to hate it but now its grown on me. I see them everywhere. My wisdomm teeth are starting to push them in a bit. I used to dream of getting braces, but now im getting a little sad as the gap closes.


More later, ill excerpt my letter.
Thanks everyone,
alii

Edited down

My friend tells me that im sensitive, i know that i am. I'm trying to be a good friend, good sister, good daughter. good person. I try to be there, listen, understand when it necessary. Using my experiences and doing right by them. I've fucked up way too many times to not learn anything from them.

Sigh.. all i want right now is clarity, her, time, and some fucking discipline. My hearts racing as deadlines come closer.

breath- sigh breathe. Trying to make goosebumps disappear.
Right now im praying for clarity and peace of mind.

RANDOM

1. They tried to shut my phone off again- until i called them and cussed them out..again. so i f you call me and you get that message... thats why...

1.75 Why is the Queergrrls party invitation all skeee weed out? Or is someone on line?

2. Happy Birthday Tiona

3. I just got pics back from piedmont park picnic, Alysia and T, Tam and Judy, Tiona and Sienna, Moya and Squirt and the gayest muthafuckas west of the mississippi doing the gayest dance i have ever seen...

3.5 Congratulations alysia...do the damn thing.

4. I need a job.

5. I met another free flowing ion to bond with, her name starts with an L

6. I'm cracking myself up. I do that when im ridiculously disallusioned from reality. No never mind- i do that all the time.

7. speaking of cracking up- read my girl summers blog about erace her TV. Shit is the funniest thing ive read all week.

8. I downloaded about 6 ringtones this morning..hollaback girl, waiting in vain,lose control, don't ya wish, common's love is, ...is that 6?

you can stop reading now...it only gets worse...

9. I need a job.

10. I have half THE LETTER done

11. I really like Bettina's blog

12. I need some boston seafood right about now.

13. I NEED MY HAIR TO LOCK RIGHT ABOUT NOW..1 year in august

14. I'm liking that pussycat song 'dont ya wish' a little too much

15. Rize was entertaining

16. I want to go back to ATL, for one reason

okay its over...