The best part of Christmas

LEFTOVERS!!!!!

Homeward Bound

Again im getting on a flight- this time headed to Los Angeles California. And though i dislike Xmas and ive resorted to emailing Amazon gift cards to my family- it'll be nice to see my family.

My flight leaves at 9:10 and its 3:30pm. I plan to leave here at 6:30-allowing me at least 1.5 hours on the MARTA. Also for the long lines... I get to Los Angeles at 11:30 pm which is going to inconvienc my family but ill persevere...

Sigh. Its so quiet in this house. Silence is creepy to me- as is darkness. I keep forgetting to pick up a night light.

I've been so into this Discovery Channel 6- Part Documentary about climbing Mt. Everest. Its so fascinating. White People are crazy!!! There was a controversy over the summer that csome climbrs passed up a dying man on the mountain. Now i can understand how something like that can happen...

I'm so tired for no reason. Its been a long weeknd but i got to see some of my old friends that i hadnt seen in awhile-i also looked into a mirror. Now i can see what they all see. And after a 2 hour phone call with my sisterand a conversation with Shan I think i have a new understanding of everything- good preperation for 2007. I'm a stubburn ass Aquarian- but theres potential...

I have concluded that I dont make friends very easily. That I am very distant thus not very easy to connect with. That i live life in a protective buffer zone that keeps me from getting hurt but also prevents me from really feeling anything. I'm also extremely sensitive. Hmmm. I told my sister that like money, investing in a realtionship and getting no return leads to bankruptcy. But what happens when you are too disheartened to invest in anything? I heard once that Pessimists are usually right but Optimists are more sucessful. Hmm more food for thought. My best friend is the biggest optimist i know. And i admire her for it. But optimism seems to often lead to disappointment and failure is scary. But i guess i just have to learn to deal with that too.

So i have my hopes UP for 2007. That i can genuinely connect with the people who have reached out to me with friendship. Especially the people who havnt given up on me yet. That I can open up enough to feel a connection with others, even if it times i gt hurt or disappointed. THat i can speak from my heart and not be so peripheral with people.

A journey of a million miles begins with one step...

January 1, 2007

ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz

So yeah- this insomnia is getting a little out of control. After varying success with warm milk, sleeping pills, gin/vodka/rum, NYQUIL, Tylenol PM (not all at once) I decided to try a more natural alternative.

sleeping pills reminded me too much of the methylphenidates i was forced to take back in high school which resulted in me dropping some 10lbs and caused a creepy zombie effect, according to my friends. Methylphenidate makes you feel as though your brain is asleep but your body is awke. Sleeping pills is the opposite, my body is asleep but my mind is awake. Kinda like being in a coma.

Alcohol works very well but after watching intervention a few too many times- i get scared even looking at a package store. Besides, im trying to preserve my liver and i dont have enough money to be an alcoholic at the moment.

last night on a late night trip to publix, I was wandering the aisle looking for some sea salt and i ended up in the tea section. The stock guy asked me what i was looking for and i told him, i was looking for the tea 'with the bear wearing pajamas on it'. Its the kind my mom used to have in the house but i never made it. I'm not a big fan of teas(they taste too watery) but i figured, ill give it a shot. So he hands me this box of Sleepytime EXTRA that comes with Valerian....hmmm

Now to me, Valerian tea sounds like something that can only be ordered from a Starfleet replicator. (In fact, I googled/wikied Valerian Tea and wouldnt you know, Valerians are a humanoid species from the Alpha Quadrant, allies to the Cardassians- it is also TNG's Deanna Troi's favorite tea. )

Okay but back to the valerian tea, I made some (put soo much honey in it it probably tasted like koolaid) last night and i was asleep in about 45 minutes. In full disclosure, the night before i had only 2 hours of sleep. So its maybe a bit too early to tell. but hopefully this will prove to be a much more gentle alternative benydryl.

Get them sit-ups right.

I've been eating too much and not exercising at all. Sure ive gained a few pounds which im a little excited about but i feel sluggish. The other day i ran up the street to catch a bus and i felt like i was running in slow motion. Even with my bad knees that was unacceptable. By the time i reached the bus(less than half a block) i was panting and could barely get on to pay the driver. On the good side though- i havnt eaten red meat in nearly 3 monthes. Thats a big deal. I have been eating a lot of fish though. Especially fish tacos and Mexican chicken soup which is a weakness for me. And i still like sushi...

So next month ill hopefully be in my/ our new place. Were working out minor details like where are we moving. I really like Decatur Sq, East Atlanta, Inman Park, East Lake, Edgewood/Candler Park and (note these are all MARTA stops for a reason). Midtown would be cool if i found somewhere walking toward the marta station. But I'm a little prejudice toward places on the Eastbound line. I dont like buckhead though. Lenox/ Buckhead white people are wierd to me. They creep me out.

Other news-im piecing together a work situation for next semester. I'm trying to do little jobs that interest me vs. a 9-5+ school situation. I do long for a steady paycheck though. School seems so irrelevant but so important. Its so hard to keep focused when im ready to graduate but my credits arent. Sigh- if there is one thing i have consistently battled in my life it is school. I don't know what it is about school but i have struggled with it since kindergarten. But ill graduate. I have to to do what i want to do...

Well thats all i have for today-that felt good...