A sad excuse for a blog posting

I went to the club last night with a friend...

yeah thats all.

Oh you wanted more?

-alii

Since im out of words-

And this often happens, I whip out my camera instead.

ill try to share as many with y'all as I can.

I really don't like this green blog shit...i might change it again.

-froggy

Guilty pleasures

Things that need to happen before I move back

1. walk the Golden Gate Bridge
2. Take pictures of me walking the golden gate bridge
3. Learn to cook something other than top ramen, pita pizzas and ants on a log.
4. Learn to manage my money better
5. GET AN ACADEMIC PLAN TOGETHER
6. get all the misogynistic songs out of my head
7. Convert to heterosexuality- take a dick for a test drive
8. Learn the library of congress system of filing books
9. Seriously begin working toward my future career as a museum curator or archivist
10. Learn to twist my own damn hair so i dont have to stalk and bribe my friends to do it.
11. Photograph my sisters
12. Learn to publicly go dumb(ie get hyphy)
13. See all my dentists and doctors b4 my medical insurance runs out in January on my 23rd bday.
14. Get in shape for soccer season at Spelman since taking a bus 2 stops does not qualify as exercise
15. GET MONET

Finished the letter,

its in their hands now. I was thinking of posting it but it is too long. 4 pages. But thanks everyone who helped me with it. But if youre dying to read it- ill email it to you.

I have roughly two more weeks here. I'm pretty much set on a house in the West End. Its with a girl that some of you reading this blog know. Her name starts with an H and ends with eeza. Spelman alumna. shes got two dogs, one that at 110lbs is literlly bigger than me. I've heard good things about her, hope it works out.

In the meantime Ill think of something more interesting to write,

los dientes

I had part 4 of 5 of my root canal. The drilling almost drove me insane. they filed my tooth down to the gum and stuck a temporary crown on top. Running my tongue through my mouth i felt for the first time since i was 4 a gap in my back teeth. It threw me off for a second, it felt strange and airy.

I have a gap in my front teeth. I'm used to it now. I used to hate it but now its grown on me. I see them everywhere. My wisdomm teeth are starting to push them in a bit. I used to dream of getting braces, but now im getting a little sad as the gap closes.


More later, ill excerpt my letter.
Thanks everyone,
alii

Edited down

My friend tells me that im sensitive, i know that i am. I'm trying to be a good friend, good sister, good daughter. good person. I try to be there, listen, understand when it necessary. Using my experiences and doing right by them. I've fucked up way too many times to not learn anything from them.

Sigh.. all i want right now is clarity, her, time, and some fucking discipline. My hearts racing as deadlines come closer.

breath- sigh breathe. Trying to make goosebumps disappear.
Right now im praying for clarity and peace of mind.

RANDOM

1. They tried to shut my phone off again- until i called them and cussed them out..again. so i f you call me and you get that message... thats why...

1.75 Why is the Queergrrls party invitation all skeee weed out? Or is someone on line?

2. Happy Birthday Tiona

3. I just got pics back from piedmont park picnic, Alysia and T, Tam and Judy, Tiona and Sienna, Moya and Squirt and the gayest muthafuckas west of the mississippi doing the gayest dance i have ever seen...

3.5 Congratulations alysia...do the damn thing.

4. I need a job.

5. I met another free flowing ion to bond with, her name starts with an L

6. I'm cracking myself up. I do that when im ridiculously disallusioned from reality. No never mind- i do that all the time.

7. speaking of cracking up- read my girl summers blog about erace her TV. Shit is the funniest thing ive read all week.

8. I downloaded about 6 ringtones this morning..hollaback girl, waiting in vain,lose control, don't ya wish, common's love is, ...is that 6?

you can stop reading now...it only gets worse...

9. I need a job.

10. I have half THE LETTER done

11. I really like Bettina's blog

12. I need some boston seafood right about now.

13. I NEED MY HAIR TO LOCK RIGHT ABOUT NOW..1 year in august

14. I'm liking that pussycat song 'dont ya wish' a little too much

15. Rize was entertaining

16. I want to go back to ATL, for one reason

okay its over...

The Story of my Life

Hard words came through my mail today...some of yall know- most of you don't. I was shaking, could barely walk, wanted to scream.

Dug myself into a hole again, too deep, too deep.

gripping the sides of sheer walls, im a master climber- my coach nicknamed me the comeback kid. I wonder if im strong enough to do it again.

Its time to take my shovel back out my closet. Do what i do best.

Down but not out.

Because pics are worth a thousand words

Papa and I went fishing yesterday. Actually my dad went fishing-i just posed with all the fish he caught). It was lovely, a day in the lake waiting for innocent fish to bite the rigged worm. I was hoping it would get hot out so that i could jump into the lake but the weather was breezy. No such luck.



When I was little, i asked my dad why he didnt go to church and he said that nature was his church. I didnt understand that until much later but it makes sense now.

Lets hear it for the boys!

The boys and I all hot and bothered after a long day of partying. See y'all- its their fault i dance like a gay dude! Damn i miss the old crew :( .

Sometimes I just like to watch-maybe we all do. sometimes I wish people could see what i saw, not necessarily the way i see it, but just some of the same things.

I'm sick of the dichotomy. The 'either or'. Making enemies of decent people for the sake of making yourself seem right or feel better. Demonizing others never worked for me- left me empty.

So many things make me feel empty but luckily small things seem to fill me up. smiles and hugs, oceans and puddles. Mountains and anthills. People who are trying there very best. Warmth. Its all so wholesome.

They say nothing matters to me, but they really do. Don't be fooled by my non chalantness. And true- most things dont phase me, i dont really notice somethings but i do pay attention.

I see what i want to see

The San Francisco Treat

Greetings from San Francisco (and no the Asian chick in the picture is not me)

So yesterday Sprint PCS decided that i had been using my phone entirely too much so they cut me off. There is nothing more embarrasing than having your phone cut off, and why im putting this on my blog- i have yet to figure out. (please note this blog will probably be deleted once i get my senses back). They sent me a text message that said something along the lines "Your service has been turned off until further payment" at 6:30 pm- long after i could get to a bank and withdraw some money to pay it off. In fact i was enjoying a nice trolly ride into fishermans wharf when i got that devil text.

So stuck without a phone i imagined evreyone and they're mama trying to call me. I mean people know better than to blow up my phone- and we've established a while ago in my old Xanga blog that i'm not a phone person. But still i was anxious that i would not have my service back until the next morning when my bank would be open. Then the thought of that message people get when they try to call your phone "The person you are trying to reach is unavailable" they cant even leave a message.

oh they joy.

This morning i woke up extra early , walked through the fog to my bank- paid my bill off and 20 minutes later i had service again.

I have never been so happy to hear my phone ring
-alii

There isnt much to say today

I guess i need some inspiration.

Maybe ill ride into the city and go to the highest hill to take pics. Get lost on purpose. I seem to be good at that.

I miss her/you/ smiles at 801

alii

I'm a tree!

(Because trees where blue jeans and white tank tops)

Yesterday I grudginly woke up and attended church. I love my church but sometimes the minister gets a little long winded and i usually depart long before church ends. (Yeah thats me- leaving right before the offering-2 fingers up like a playa).

blah blah blah- we did this and that

Then we drove to Muir Beach which is on the other side of the bay. I had never been there and neither did i know how to get there but it was okay. My lovely directions landed us atop the golden gate bridge overlooking the bay. Angel and L wanted to beat the shit out of me because this was not where we were supposed to be going and here i am whipping out camera and making them do absurd poses. Hehehehehehe. I don't believe in getting lost- just taking scenic routes nowhere near where were suppsoed to be going. (Remember guys- no power to coincidences?...How soon we forget.)

So once we re-oriented ourselves we first went to the beach. Wanted to go skinny dipping but there were too many people on the beach. Its been a while since i had been to the beach. So after napping, i ripped my clothes off (i had a bathing suit)and ran into the ocean like a 5 year old. I chased the waves, going deeper and deeper until the water was to my chest. IT FELT SO GOOD. The ocean moves-its alive, thats the best way i can explain it.

Afterwards we headed to the woods. Saw redwood trees that have been there since 800 A.D. Redwoods are amoung the oldest trees and redwood forests are unique in that their roots are interconnected. I can go into why that shit is deep but i wont...just contemplate it for a second and go read the rest of the blogs on your circuit.

Had an amazing day-went to bed.

I woke up- did some errands, hung out with ms. L- got some pizza. and now im here.

until later

alii

I like

I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE....

(just wanted to share that with y'all) ;-)

The man next to me in this computer lab cannot read

he keeps pretending that he can then he'll turn and whisper to me...exciuse me- but can u read this for me?" I feel for him- and hes looking for a job. Well at least hes trying- and like my mom says- "you dont have to be perfect as long as you keep trying". Peoples efforts impress me more than anything.

I miss working in the Public library, even the crazy people who would come in and tell me all about a book they read 30 years ago everytime they see me. I'm not a kid person, but i miss them too, the way they bring their books in and peep through the book drop.

There was something consitstant about the crazy personalities. They were the constant. I came back and a city bus driver said 'hey alii, havnt seen you in awhile'- i told him i was off in college and he said"oh you gettin all smart now?". I laughed and he let me ride for free. Homeless people remember me, flea market vendors remember me, and even old, old communty college classmates remember me.

They pop up in the middle of the day when im feeling the most unsociable and remind me that i used to live here, that i was temporarily a part of this city, even though i tend to bad mouth it.

But most of all they remind me that i matter, and as different as i may think i am, it may not be a bad thing...

So i got part 2/3 of my root canal done, im seriously contemplating getting a silver tooth, plus i htink theyre cheaper.

I wrote one of my friends today, i hope we'll still be friends later

I really want to get back to Atlanta, or do something.

I'm seriously about to go broke- to the point where i wont be eating for a few weeks.

I think im going to run lake merritt today- to pretend like i actually stay in shape...Okay okay, i just like looknig at the girls running around the lake.

Maybe i might naswer my pohne before *gasp* my free minutes kick in

Can u tell i have nothing to do?

?

Alii

Alii was not born to fly!

I HATE PLANES.

Few things scare the shit out of me but a plane will do it. They say that planes are safer than cars but ive been in a car accident-a real serious one at that. But im still alive. I don't believe in Plane 'accidents'-

First we arrive at long beach airports. The airport is like in themiddle of the street. The plane runaways/yard is surrounded by a chainlink fence thats was so tore up we could have just walked right through it. Clark Atlanta has a better gate, even with those huge gaping holes that we climb through to get to woodruff on the weekends. So this airport has all of like 4 airlines all crammed into one half terminal. The baggage claim is outside under this circus tent . To get to airline, you then walk outside then back inside to scan your stuff.

Usually before i fly- i get drunk as all hell to alleviate my anxienty. But no not here. They had a snack table- you know- like a friggin bake sale. Cookies in a basket kinda thing. I then waited for my plane to board. Not in one of those extendible corriders thing, but we walked halfway across the yard, following some cones and up the side of the plane.

I shoulda known the drama was over.

Why when we walked on the plane were thre no lights? Hellll no.

Meanwhile the lights started flikkering as he started up the engine. He announed that there were some mechanical errors that needed to be taken care of so there would be a slight delay. I'm like- well shit- i can go tomorrow. So a gang load of mechanics entered the plane and started
hammering. I'm about to pass out. Soon he starts the engine and were cleared for landing.

Of course the plane was making this strange noise as we were ascending. I'm looking at the flight attendants looking for some sign that that shit is normal because it didnt sound normal. We finally reached cruising altitude- 33000 feet. It wsa jetblue so we had some TV's to look at. And just as we get somewhat comfortable- a big news flash comes across the screen.

An altitude 7.2 Earthquake has just hit northern California- Tsunami warning set for the entire coast of california.

The woman next to me started screaming bloody murder. I put my arms on her an assured her it was going to be okay- despite the fact that i didnt think so. She started crying saying that when we landed -a big wave wwas going to sweep the plane into the water. I held her hand for 15 minutes as we landed. Its a sketchy landing- especially at night becuase its right above the water and you cant really see anything.

I love the ground. I love when the plane hits the ground. Its the most sturdy feeling in the world to me. some people are water people, some love to fly...but me?

I love the ground