fuckin the bullshit.
Last year- was great- a learning experience. I moved here exactly one year ago. Ain't it something.
I'm not overly concerned with what people think of me. I wore pajamas and slippers to the last queer girls party. People whispering'oh she's gay' in the Giles elevator, as if i cant hear them. Or in the cafeteria lunch line, or on founders day when i finally wore a dress. IIts cool- no hard feelings, i have a few friends, thats all i really need.
Most people are beautiful to me. The word ugly has never been iin my vocabulary. My mom told me early on that ugly doesnt describe someone, it describes their actions. I am grateful for this.
But last year i found myself slipping, becoming sensitive to what other people thought, And (gasp) gossip. On a few occasions, my lips went a little loose, i made fun of people, talked shit about people, smiled when i saw them. ITs not that big a deal, but its a big deal too me. I sometimes looked in the mirror, ashamed of what i saw. or more saddened that i had resorted to such low measures to justify my jealousy, insecurity blah blah blah.
So in 2006 im going back to the middle. To the self confident alison that i was before. Nurture myself in a way that can benefit me and the people around me. I want friendships with clarity, honest ones, and if it isnt there- oh well.
Everything will be okay.
Alii
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3 comments:
amen sister!!
for an almost 23 year old, you have a lot of fucking "adult" things to say. :-)
this coming from someone not much older than you
thank you for your words, they have resonated within me as i try in 2006 not to talk shit about folks!
very bold and self-aware post. i think your convictions are wonderful and your intentions true. it will be good to see you again.
peace.
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