The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good
*I actually got paid on time from Spelman.
*I found a second job. So now im working two jobs and school full time...
*So theres this boy(Im reallly not as gay as people seem to think), he goes to morehouse. He called and we talked...thats all ill say about that...giggle, giggle
*My roomate can cook from scratch. We've been having depression era food like meat and potatoes, corn and grits while reading Zane novels ( as required for summers ghetto lit course) at the table. But since we both got paid, maybe the food might improve.
*This party might actually work out. Target time-Halloween. Still deciding about whether its a queer girls party or not.
*ive started walking to school-its 2 miles down Abernathy which is an adventure in itself. I leave in late morning- just in time to encounter the all the 10am drunks in the West End.
*Moya is letting me drive her car, so im getting road experience.
*School is going well
*All my bills are paid
*Im learning to type- im at 12wpm
*I have half a bed together- i just need to figure out how to get it out to my house

The Bad
*i just paid my rent and i have like 30 dollars for food left.
*At nearly 50 dollars a month- i wont be getting internet...at least not for awhile.
*Now that i have two jobs and school full time, time will be of the essence.
*I need someone to dj the party cheaply
*its getting cold outside-this is my first southern fall

The Ugly
*Ive lost about 8 lbs due to an erractic one meal a day eating schedule. Hopefully this second job will help that situation. Lightheaded and goosebumps during class is not cute.
*Its getting cold and dark early which is begging to impede my travel
*Sprint pcs is getting on my goddamn nerves
*I miss people in my life (family, friends and sisters)
*My tuition is still not paid

Man now im all sad-but the good outweighs the bad and thats all that matters

Have a blessed weekend

random

My roomate wakes up obscenely early- like 6:30 am, which is like 2 hours after i go to bed. Through the thin partition between our rooms, i can see her lights go on around the same time i hear kids gathering outside at the bus stop outside our house. Living in a family neighborhood can be so startling...the sounds of buses criss crossing the intersection in front of our houses never fails to make me smile.
As my roomie leaves, i hear the bouncy steps of the dogs following her out the house.

Good morning.

So two hours later i actually wake up. The dogs are usually sleep outside my door and when i open it, they look up at me like its play time or something.

They follow me like some bodyguards, watching my every step and falling sleeping at feet. Queen for a day. I give them each a pat on the head before i head out the door. I look back as i see yellows face watching me as i walk down the street- until i disappear.

They're growing on me. I like that there are moving things in the house, the constant pit patter breaks the silence. Its nice to come home and have something jump up to you- happy as hell that you are home.

i dont know why im typing this- they just really warmed my heart this morning...

"A" is for Alii

So i got my first paper back... an "A-" written in Dr. Kuumba's purple pen. when i got mu paper back, i da,mn near crip walked across the womens cenger.

cant nobody steal my joy.

except maybe my job which took a sudden turn fpr the worse. I came into work ready to start on toni cades papers and ended up being assigned to copy 50 pages word for word.

So to amuse myself, i figured i would teach myself to type without looking.I had keyboarding in elementary school, after we finsihed with the oregon trail computer lesson, we were supposed to learn how to type. this meant sitting at the computer with this horrible game where yuor supposed to kill turtles with specific keys. Our teacher tried to make it sound fun"How many of you guys like Soper Mario bros?" we all raised our hands, well except me, i was fond of 'Zelda' myself...

Instead of learning how to type, i mastered an equally great skill, how to look through the bottom of my blindfolds during the tests... this skill landed me with an "A" but also made me completely inept when it came to typing...

So in two hours of working, i made it through one and a half pages....its ghoing to bne a loooong job. hopefully by the end ill be typing like a court stenographer during a 'twista' trial....

Perhaps, perhaps perhaps.

So top model started- i have a new addiction. The models seem extra skinny this time around. Their bathing suit bottoms cutting ackwardly into hips that arent there...skinny rib cages...

Or maybe its just that i generally dont find white women attractive...Maybe thats mean but its true.

But i still like the show. I hope a black girl wins(brie or ebony)...thats always my wish. Like when i used to watch miss america pagents.

I am busy trying to convince my roomate to go to the casting call next time around. At 5'10, lean and linear, incredible dark skin and a perfect smile, im sure she would make it kinda far.

She just looked at me like i was crazy...

That same day i lost her dog...again. That yellow bitch ran off to go hump some white dog down the street. Shes gay. That makes two of us in the house. she came back an hour later...

Keeping up with my assignments- im really working hard this semester. So far so good. Didnt have to work this week- but i still get paid.

Anyway- i have pics on my comp that i have been sending to people. Mostly from graduation time. Hopefully they'll all be sent by the weekend.

well thats all for now...later

Um

Yeah

I'm finished...

already.

and it wasnt because i couldnt put it down...

It was an easy read- about as challenging as reading the Baby-sitters Club

Around here, that book has become an accessory. Almost like a new purse.

"What part are you on?"

And everybody replies with the same answer-'that part when shes sleeping with that man". Because thats pretty much the entire storyline- same story, different man.

but then again...isnt that how it always is?

I didnt find the book interesting for the same reason i dont find gossip interesting. So and so slept with so and so. Those who know me will tell you that i enjoy listening to people talk about themselves and their own experiences vs. their interpretation of someone elses life verbatim. the best parts of the book to me were her own analysis of her experiences and upbringing...

But i wont hate on her-i dont believe in criticizing ones life story. Thats was her life, she did the best she knew how and now shes writing about it. Just because it doesnt reflect my particular upbringing or values doesnt it make her any worse in my mind.


And yes sex sells.

-alii

Confessions

I got drawn into the hype. Succombed to peer pressure.



It sat on the black table at the Atlanta Public Library, and the librarian picked it up and placed it into my hands-

'you better get it while its hot, honey'

Curiosity killed the Ali-cat...

i'll let you know what i think...

just some things

Finished my first work project friday. After two weeks of wheeling her in and out, reading her journals, scanning through tapes- i got the inventory done. My boss loved it- so im hoping that she will entrust me with Ms. Cade-Bambera next week. My white gloves are being washed and prepped for next week. Knuckles cracked and waiting for the next box-

And payday....

Went to sisterfire-that was um 'interesting'. LOL my favorite thus far. Still having issues with this silence thing. I'm not sure ive ever said a word during sisterfire- my mouth gets wielded shut the minute i enter that space. I'm not sure why i go. If there was ever a sisterfire benchwarmer...

My roomate Hafeeza is turning out to be very interesting. So far so good. Were both aquarians(go figure). I approached her about having a party there, maybe around halloween- its a roomy house with a roomy porch- she said of course. so we should be good. I really want a theme party- or like a masquerade- something that would take us out of the ordinary and be original. Like Ndeleas inner goddess thing. Or maybe we could have a 'rep your city' party. I really want a West Coast party but i have a feeling the music would eventually annoy the shit out of all our guests and drive them to go home. Or maybe a carnival style complete with soca and samba. Or a sooooooul train party-heheheh. Or maybe we could just have a good ole fashion white boys Toga Party complete with a Keg...

i turned my phone off for the weekend. Not really in the mood to talk to anyone- but it will be back monday...

"Hey Alii, are you going to that Lezbo meeting tonight?"

--that was a text from my friend- had me laughing outloud during 'daughters of the dust'

Am I dreamin?

no really- am I dreamin?

Were there really 13 people at the first Afrekete(Spelmans 'G.S.A,') meeting yesterday when we only put up two flyers?

Were there really two sophmore allies 15 minutes early for the meeting?

An 'unidentified' junior from Huntsville, Alabama(hehehe) thought she was at the wrong meeting. (I'm trying to get some gay shit up in the chapel)

No but for real

As Alysia and I waited, expecting maybe 3 people to show up, they just kept coming in. And they actually kind of reflected the spelman student body(ie-not all nappy heads, okay maybe half).

I just hope we can keep them.

So big ups to the Stud(s), middles, freshwoman, allies, rep from Georgia States 'Blackout', 2010, Abby ,3 Aquarians, 3 Leos and 3 Geminis and pisces,cancer and sag. who came


now mission part two..get the rest of these little homos running around campus to show up- then we'll hit numbers maybe in the hundreds...

just kidding

okay no im not...

Its a very wierd job

Day three of my job- shifting through a womans old journals,it brings up wierd emotions. Sometimes reading them im on the verge of tears. It reads like fiction- but its real and viciously honest.

Reading her life makes me think about my own.

Reading her death makes me think of my own

I feel young with her journals, like a kid, She had a full life and now at 22, im trying to understand whats its like to be a 48 year old lesbian with two kids and breast cancer. I feel like im reading...well i dont even know. There is nothing to compare it with. Its eerie- i see pics of her and on the tip of her glasses i see her eyes peering out at me. I wonder if she knows that of all people, this young student is in charge of putting her papers in order. I wonder if shes watching me...

And i wheel her boxes back into the cold room. My New Orleans boss likes to call it the room of spirits. She jokes that she likes to blast her music and dance with the spirits. Walls of boxes from old Spelman students who have died. Their records, pics and other things in alphabetical order. Birthdates ranging from 1867-1974. One day my box will sit up there. What was life for woman in 1881? I want to know. Thats why i took this job.

I've never had a job that has made me think so much- challange me, not in the work sense, but emotionally. Its really exciting- its really scary.

meanderer

T(h)eresa named me 'meanderer' on her blog.the name really sat in my head. Couldnt think of a better description of my current state.

Not all who wander are lost

My favorite quote.

It seems my inability to commit has manifested itself into(among other things) yet another blog change.

Had an interesting weekend. It was black pride weekend here in atlanta. I didnt do anything 'pridey'. Except eat food made by queers.

(Thanks Alysia)

I cooled off in the pool

(Thanks Jocelyn AND Ndelea)

Did some other assorted activites- and now my long weekend is over.

Actually a lot more happened but im really not in the mood to talk about it.

this weekend

Hey everybody-
Just wanted to say hi

I'll blog about something else soon....

Some firsts

Stoners
Went to Stone Mountain for the first time. Stone mountain itself is this huge mile high solid rock formation. Its quite beautiful and grand. In the early 1900s, members of the confederate alumna association decided to blast a memorial into the side of the mountain.


It was at one time, a big klan stronghold. Since then it has, with the generous donation of private orgainizations(probably one with a giant cotton ball as its sympbol), been turned into an amusement park. Ya know, kinda like 6 confederate flags over stone mountain. There are rides, souvenir shop, picnic area, a large green that shows laser shows on the carving and other family fun. Most of the tourists were Asian, followed by black and a few white families..

Do the twists
Twisted my hair for the first time. It was a desperate attempt after not being able to find anyone to do it that weekend. so i did it myself. It took like 4hours, which is sad because my hair is not that long. But i felt so accomplished, and it turned out pretty decent. Now im not scared to go swimming or running and of getting my hair wet without being able to wash it.

Groupie love
I'm now a double major in Soc/Womens studies. most of the classes cross over so it wont be too difficult. Alysia and I have a lot of classes together. I realized how much time i spent in the womens studies department without being a womens studies major. I was kind of a groupie. Plus- they have all the good classes- and i secretly wanted to take them. So i declared myself a womens studies major and the reaction was kinda like oh, i already thought you were. So there were no hugs, no flowers, no congratulations...just a bunch of confused stares.


Last night i spent the night in Morehouse suites. I forgot how well my boy chris can cook. He made me chicken, broccoli and rice. Friday, alysia bought me a chicken sandwich and over the weekend, moya made this amazing salad.I feel like that plant in little shop of horros that sits in the corner and says "Feed me' My stomach is full so it should be a wonderful day.

um

what the hell was that shizophrenic mess on the VMA's...just had to let that out my system...

Oh i wish i were in the land of cotton...

So i'm trying to make some moves in the direction of the career i want to eventually have. Working with archives, museums, libraries and preserving black history for the future blah blah blah. I've managed an interview with the school archivist 10/hr but its only 10 hours a week. So i looked into another position at the georgia archives. THe director is a black woman, spelman alumna everything looked great.

So im on the phone with this lady inquiring about internships. She said there were two positions left. Great i thought-this would be just the thing to supplement my position at Spelman. "Well the two internships left are funded by the United Daughters of the Confederacy, and your job would be assisiting and aiding in our Confederate Archives"

Silence.

then she asks me where i went to school- im like "Spelman"

silence

"well would you be interested in that internship?" she asks

"Um, sure, I guess...ill get back to you on that later, thanks."

So i called a few of my advisors(my dad, summer, my cousin, angel and moya) all who laughed and agreed i should go ahead and take it...its a paid internship...whats the problem?

Well heres my problem.


C'mon now-what the hell kind of sympbol is that? What if that shit is printed on my checks? Real amusing, going to a bank and cashing in a check with a cotton ball on it. Can u imagine the looks on peoples faces when they walk into the confederate archives and see my face? hehehehe.

May i help you?

Sometimes i forget history isn't always pretty and inspiring. To understand what actually happened you have to understand what actually happened..ya know? Slavery just didnt happen- people enslaved people...you can't leave that very important aspect of history out because i morally disagree with them..

or can I?

An archivists job is to preserve the history- not analyze, editorialize and make it political. Thats the job of researchers and academics. This should be a real interesting position...

I'll keep you posted.
While singing dixie and skipping around with my parasol...

Soccer practice

So i had this grand idea to try out for the spelman soccer team. To make a long story short- all was going well until this girl kicked a ball at me and the coach yelled at me to stop the ball with my head.

So cross country starts tomorrow. practice is everyday @ 6:30 am

Went to spelman again to meet with my dean,i was definately wearing my pajamas(white college style). School hasnt started so i feel no need to get dressed up. Who am i kidding-im never dressed up. My last name is not Judd,Shepard, McArthur nor Fergeson...

I miss dancing with Tam

People seem to be struggling with the concept that I hate talking to people on the phone.

Moya's house has turned into a co-op. Currently there are 4 people living in moyas 1 bedroom apartment- we share 1 tv, 1 computer and 1 bathroom. Big difference between moya and I? Moya likes people in her house, I don't.

I'm broke but I found this internship at the atlanta archives that looks promising, espcially since the director is a spelman alumna...

I found out that to be an archivist, I have to go to grad school for a year to get my MLS(masters of Library Sciences). More motivation to get better grades.

I'm quasi-registered for classes but i'm 5 g's short. Looks like someone will be filling out an application at Queen City strip club. Shouldnt be to bad- besides, I have a well-documented aversion to clothing.

Well thats all- my comp time is up.

Peace yall

alii

Here one day

Gone the next.

Sometimes i don't understand life

or death.

Sure i knew you for a second. We sat there on July 28th,almost a month ago, Angels birthday, room full of laughter as we crooned songs in angel's apartment. Sounding like the house band from hell, we made beautiful music terribly. Jokes because you were from texas. Jokes because you had that country ass accent with the cute boy voice. You opened your mouth to sing and we all shut up. Mike Jooooones kinda nigga.

And everytime i see your pic on the headlines"49er DEAD AFTER PRESEASON GAME"- i remember that same face across the room on the keyboard. I remember you living...even for just a few moments.

Damn at 23, why'd you have to go? But glad to have known you for that second.

Last night i went to d'jangles(a saditty ittle tapas bar in ATL) with my roomie and her friends. Why do people look the same? all the girls were there in the white skirts, assymetrical belt, coloured halter top and a small shoulder bag tucked under their bangled clad arms. Dangly earrings and sunglasses on top of their head. I mean- i dont know- sometimes when everyone isdressed the same it makes me wonder if i missed the memo or something. I did what i usually do when i dont know anyone, sat real quiet and watched everyone around me. My usual antisocial self. Nothing new.

This boy is trying to fuck me over with this futon. Can't afford a bed yet so that will have to wait. Instead im hibernating under a thin sheet on a blow up mattress courtesy of my friend alysia.

There are worse things in life. Though i do have a major fear of being cold stemming from my mother not being able to afford oil heating during those cold boston winters. Waking up to ice cold wood floors and heating the tub with boiled water- staying at friends house because it was too cold to come home...

but im sure in this 90 degree muggy weather thats not going to happen anytime soon.

Doesn't mean i dont want a bed- just means ill have to wait. Things will work out- they always have. Especially when i put some effort out there.

or as my grandmother says to me

"God helps those who help themselves"

She get it from her momma...

Maybe thats my problem- i cant make up my damn mind.

My mom is the same way. Whats insanely crazy is that when my mom was 23- she lived on the same street i just found a house on here in atlanta...before that- between 19-21-she lived in Berkeley.Sometimes i feel as though im retracing her steps- and if all goes well- im destined to live in DC in about 2 years.

Some people stay on top of things and me- well i stay at the bottom of things. I don't know how ive managed all these years. Sometimes my mind is so far ahead, looking at the big picture that i forget the basics. Like getting dressed and forgetting to put your underwear on.

Sometimes i wish the world would slow down so I can get it together- yet if it did- time would be frozen forever.

I don't know what i want...

...and so it is

i dont believe in good- and perhaps i don't believe in bad. Things just 'are'.

my friend says im a pessimist for thinking that way, another just says that i'm indifferent.

After the storm rattled the ground- a rush of frigid air rushed through the door. I thought that even after the storm- the weather might be warm. I lay there shivering and freezing in silence- looked around for a nice warm spot. Settled for another place.slightly warmer.

I guess thats what i get for not weaing a jacket...

alii

misc.

I need to actually move into my place today. Even if i have to sleep on a mattress on the floor. Get it movin...

i also need o do some shopping for my new place-this should be interesting given that i hate shopping- especially for myself.

i went to a gathering with 'Jocelea'. Old faces new faces. I wore a long flowey skirt courtesy of alysia(if yall don't know- i'm alysia's closet rat- i take her clothes and bring them cross country and take pics of other people in her clothes)Smiles and laughs and a sip of a martini. We honored ourselves, our bodies, some chicken wings and pussy williams.

Golddigeer has a video- looks like the twin video to David Banners 'play'. I love lingerie and bikinis so im really feeling the vidoe.

Moyas coming back tomorrow! Yay. Guess its back to no meat...

I live in the West End and the West End lives in me.

I want to leave comments on Delaines blog but i dont think im deep enough


okay i gotta go now..peace.