Some firsts

Stoners
Went to Stone Mountain for the first time. Stone mountain itself is this huge mile high solid rock formation. Its quite beautiful and grand. In the early 1900s, members of the confederate alumna association decided to blast a memorial into the side of the mountain.


It was at one time, a big klan stronghold. Since then it has, with the generous donation of private orgainizations(probably one with a giant cotton ball as its sympbol), been turned into an amusement park. Ya know, kinda like 6 confederate flags over stone mountain. There are rides, souvenir shop, picnic area, a large green that shows laser shows on the carving and other family fun. Most of the tourists were Asian, followed by black and a few white families..

Do the twists
Twisted my hair for the first time. It was a desperate attempt after not being able to find anyone to do it that weekend. so i did it myself. It took like 4hours, which is sad because my hair is not that long. But i felt so accomplished, and it turned out pretty decent. Now im not scared to go swimming or running and of getting my hair wet without being able to wash it.

Groupie love
I'm now a double major in Soc/Womens studies. most of the classes cross over so it wont be too difficult. Alysia and I have a lot of classes together. I realized how much time i spent in the womens studies department without being a womens studies major. I was kind of a groupie. Plus- they have all the good classes- and i secretly wanted to take them. So i declared myself a womens studies major and the reaction was kinda like oh, i already thought you were. So there were no hugs, no flowers, no congratulations...just a bunch of confused stares.


Last night i spent the night in Morehouse suites. I forgot how well my boy chris can cook. He made me chicken, broccoli and rice. Friday, alysia bought me a chicken sandwich and over the weekend, moya made this amazing salad.I feel like that plant in little shop of horros that sits in the corner and says "Feed me' My stomach is full so it should be a wonderful day.

um

what the hell was that shizophrenic mess on the VMA's...just had to let that out my system...

Oh i wish i were in the land of cotton...

So i'm trying to make some moves in the direction of the career i want to eventually have. Working with archives, museums, libraries and preserving black history for the future blah blah blah. I've managed an interview with the school archivist 10/hr but its only 10 hours a week. So i looked into another position at the georgia archives. THe director is a black woman, spelman alumna everything looked great.

So im on the phone with this lady inquiring about internships. She said there were two positions left. Great i thought-this would be just the thing to supplement my position at Spelman. "Well the two internships left are funded by the United Daughters of the Confederacy, and your job would be assisiting and aiding in our Confederate Archives"

Silence.

then she asks me where i went to school- im like "Spelman"

silence

"well would you be interested in that internship?" she asks

"Um, sure, I guess...ill get back to you on that later, thanks."

So i called a few of my advisors(my dad, summer, my cousin, angel and moya) all who laughed and agreed i should go ahead and take it...its a paid internship...whats the problem?

Well heres my problem.


C'mon now-what the hell kind of sympbol is that? What if that shit is printed on my checks? Real amusing, going to a bank and cashing in a check with a cotton ball on it. Can u imagine the looks on peoples faces when they walk into the confederate archives and see my face? hehehehe.

May i help you?

Sometimes i forget history isn't always pretty and inspiring. To understand what actually happened you have to understand what actually happened..ya know? Slavery just didnt happen- people enslaved people...you can't leave that very important aspect of history out because i morally disagree with them..

or can I?

An archivists job is to preserve the history- not analyze, editorialize and make it political. Thats the job of researchers and academics. This should be a real interesting position...

I'll keep you posted.
While singing dixie and skipping around with my parasol...

Soccer practice

So i had this grand idea to try out for the spelman soccer team. To make a long story short- all was going well until this girl kicked a ball at me and the coach yelled at me to stop the ball with my head.

So cross country starts tomorrow. practice is everyday @ 6:30 am

Went to spelman again to meet with my dean,i was definately wearing my pajamas(white college style). School hasnt started so i feel no need to get dressed up. Who am i kidding-im never dressed up. My last name is not Judd,Shepard, McArthur nor Fergeson...

I miss dancing with Tam

People seem to be struggling with the concept that I hate talking to people on the phone.

Moya's house has turned into a co-op. Currently there are 4 people living in moyas 1 bedroom apartment- we share 1 tv, 1 computer and 1 bathroom. Big difference between moya and I? Moya likes people in her house, I don't.

I'm broke but I found this internship at the atlanta archives that looks promising, espcially since the director is a spelman alumna...

I found out that to be an archivist, I have to go to grad school for a year to get my MLS(masters of Library Sciences). More motivation to get better grades.

I'm quasi-registered for classes but i'm 5 g's short. Looks like someone will be filling out an application at Queen City strip club. Shouldnt be to bad- besides, I have a well-documented aversion to clothing.

Well thats all- my comp time is up.

Peace yall

alii

Here one day

Gone the next.

Sometimes i don't understand life

or death.

Sure i knew you for a second. We sat there on July 28th,almost a month ago, Angels birthday, room full of laughter as we crooned songs in angel's apartment. Sounding like the house band from hell, we made beautiful music terribly. Jokes because you were from texas. Jokes because you had that country ass accent with the cute boy voice. You opened your mouth to sing and we all shut up. Mike Jooooones kinda nigga.

And everytime i see your pic on the headlines"49er DEAD AFTER PRESEASON GAME"- i remember that same face across the room on the keyboard. I remember you living...even for just a few moments.

Damn at 23, why'd you have to go? But glad to have known you for that second.

Last night i went to d'jangles(a saditty ittle tapas bar in ATL) with my roomie and her friends. Why do people look the same? all the girls were there in the white skirts, assymetrical belt, coloured halter top and a small shoulder bag tucked under their bangled clad arms. Dangly earrings and sunglasses on top of their head. I mean- i dont know- sometimes when everyone isdressed the same it makes me wonder if i missed the memo or something. I did what i usually do when i dont know anyone, sat real quiet and watched everyone around me. My usual antisocial self. Nothing new.

This boy is trying to fuck me over with this futon. Can't afford a bed yet so that will have to wait. Instead im hibernating under a thin sheet on a blow up mattress courtesy of my friend alysia.

There are worse things in life. Though i do have a major fear of being cold stemming from my mother not being able to afford oil heating during those cold boston winters. Waking up to ice cold wood floors and heating the tub with boiled water- staying at friends house because it was too cold to come home...

but im sure in this 90 degree muggy weather thats not going to happen anytime soon.

Doesn't mean i dont want a bed- just means ill have to wait. Things will work out- they always have. Especially when i put some effort out there.

or as my grandmother says to me

"God helps those who help themselves"

She get it from her momma...

Maybe thats my problem- i cant make up my damn mind.

My mom is the same way. Whats insanely crazy is that when my mom was 23- she lived on the same street i just found a house on here in atlanta...before that- between 19-21-she lived in Berkeley.Sometimes i feel as though im retracing her steps- and if all goes well- im destined to live in DC in about 2 years.

Some people stay on top of things and me- well i stay at the bottom of things. I don't know how ive managed all these years. Sometimes my mind is so far ahead, looking at the big picture that i forget the basics. Like getting dressed and forgetting to put your underwear on.

Sometimes i wish the world would slow down so I can get it together- yet if it did- time would be frozen forever.

I don't know what i want...

...and so it is

i dont believe in good- and perhaps i don't believe in bad. Things just 'are'.

my friend says im a pessimist for thinking that way, another just says that i'm indifferent.

After the storm rattled the ground- a rush of frigid air rushed through the door. I thought that even after the storm- the weather might be warm. I lay there shivering and freezing in silence- looked around for a nice warm spot. Settled for another place.slightly warmer.

I guess thats what i get for not weaing a jacket...

alii

misc.

I need to actually move into my place today. Even if i have to sleep on a mattress on the floor. Get it movin...

i also need o do some shopping for my new place-this should be interesting given that i hate shopping- especially for myself.

i went to a gathering with 'Jocelea'. Old faces new faces. I wore a long flowey skirt courtesy of alysia(if yall don't know- i'm alysia's closet rat- i take her clothes and bring them cross country and take pics of other people in her clothes)Smiles and laughs and a sip of a martini. We honored ourselves, our bodies, some chicken wings and pussy williams.

Golddigeer has a video- looks like the twin video to David Banners 'play'. I love lingerie and bikinis so im really feeling the vidoe.

Moyas coming back tomorrow! Yay. Guess its back to no meat...

I live in the West End and the West End lives in me.

I want to leave comments on Delaines blog but i dont think im deep enough


okay i gotta go now..peace.

Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay

So this morning I lost Hafeeza's (my new roomie)dog. I was showing Alysia around the house and I opened the back door and the dog just sprinted out. It was gone for like 20 minutes while Alysia and I frantically tried to search the neighborhood, hitting our thighs and whistling.I didnt have my phone and I tried to call around hoping people had Hafeezas number. 20 long minutes later, the dog just popped up next door. Wagging his tail and looking at me bemused. Nigga- this aint hide and go seek!

Him and I are going to have an interesing relationship. And as long as he and i are in the house together- he will never(and i repeat never) see the light of day.

don't worry- he got a window.

Never leave me alone

It's so hard/
to say goodbye
to yesterday

Sure I sound like a whiny kid- but damn- did y'all all have to leave at once?

After one semester of meeting some of the most beautiful,not entirely grounded, intelligent, thoughtful, women centered individuals-y'all are just gonna get up and fuckin go?

What the fuck!!

I feel like a kid who came to the playground, having all the fun i could muster up- then 5 minutes later y'alls momma called you to come home. I'm sitting there alone in my diaper in the sandbox, looking at the castles y'all built and wondering what i should do with them.

Okay so i suck at metaphors- but im just trying to tell y'all how i feel right now..


Fuck y'all with your mass exodus away from me. Baby, i'm a melodramatic selfish biyatch, you guys were MY friends. Y'all got some nerve leaving me on this campus with all these people...

I've only been here a semester. I'm just now starting to purge the misogyny out my system. Shit- i got here not even knowing what the word misogyny meant-I had to look it up after the first SisterFire i attended. I have only recently started reading Hill Collins and understanding all of this stuff that y'all learned waaaay before me. I'm new to this and I'm not a very good feminist, In fact I suck at it. But im still trying...

1 semester and I have learned so much. I hope it wasnt in vain- I hope I don't let y'all down. I promise I'll try not to let anyone step on your sand castles...



and ill take/with me the memories/
to bring back the sun after the raaaaain
ooooooohhhhhhhhh yeaah
It's so hard, to say goodbye
to yesterday

Oh yeah, I forgot, I live in the coloured section

So after a few days of hiding out in Moya's posh Decatur pad, I ventured on over to my new neighborhood, my new home...

After an obnoxious stint on the Marta and a few pit stops at the West End Bank of America and Post Office, where the lines are ridiculously long for no reason.

Its a working class area at the bottom of Bougie Avenue(a.k.a.Cascade) near abouts Abernathy. Its a black neighborhood with old peple who still sit on their porches and wave as I walk by.( Old people make for good neighbors-they got the police on speed dial in case some riff-raff' and nonsense comes into the neighborhood). I walked up my porch to hear my new dogs 'don't have a name' and 'i forgot his name' running to greet me...It was beautiful.

Still don't have a bed...let me rephrase that-'I still dont have someone to bring my bed across town for me"

After my soul basked in the heat- I walked over to Krogers( a popular grocery chain over here). This kroger in particular has a barber shop- a nail salon, an athletes foot and tax services. No thats not an exaggeration. It is probably the ghettoist shit i've seen in a loooong time. I had been craving spinach- and the night before, i attempted to make what i thought was spinach and turned out to be lettuce(fuck you- they look the same). Of course i didn't realize this until i had a pot full of boiled lettuce...ANYWAY I purchased some spinach and since I live in a cloured section- there were two checers open in the entire store. So i decided to try out those self checking machines, which i abhor. The machine shortchanged me of a precious quarter i needed for my trip back. I stood in the long customer service line for 15 minutes to get my quarter....


After an exhausting day of waiting in line then waiting...i walked all the way to castleberry to see my friend Tam. Shes rooming with 3 morehouse dudes which i think is taking a toll on her whether shes conscious of it or not. We twisted her hair which took like 2 hours while listening to Young Jeezy in a room filled with weed smoke. we left and attempted to get some food on campus with the SOL
s but despite all of tams smooth talking social skills, we got kicked out the caf looking like two homely ashy-kneed kids.

So I'm back in the white neighborhood. Back to where the supermarkets are brightly lit. Where i can call sushi and it comes to my door. Where i can walk across the street without running for my life. Where I'm not surrounded by chicken on every block. Where people don't lean out their cars 'hey shaaaaawty', where some nappy headed somebody approaches me liek 'hey dred-or better yet-my beautiful african queen of earth mother...shut the fuck up.

Lol- but they still make me smile inside

and like Mr. Rogers says
it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood....

Please wont you be, my neighbor?


alii

First things first

1. I love that song 'georgia peach' by Rasheeda

2. No Moya- Arkansas is not in the south. even if every map i looked up says that it is...lol

3. Congrats A. I'm so excited for you!


So the other day i was aquainted with my new place. Its a spacious beautiful old house with high ceilings and hardwood paneling throughout the house. My room is bright with an old fireplace in it. Very spacious kitchen with counters for days. The bathroom has a tub with feet/paws(my favorite kind). Its really cute. Great house for hosting people/company. Huge flat deck with plenty of seating for an outdoor party and a place for gardening. My only complaint is the distance from school and the price is a bit steep. But my roomate seems cool. I have some new pets too. Can't wait to get a turtle or a frog. Can't wait for a lot of things. I'm really excited.


Well thats all in aliiland-

a very happy and blessed woman,
Alii

I love pictures

I see pictures all the time. Most i can't take. And not just a picture- but a real candid one, with natural lighting. There are laws against taking picutres of people you don't know and publishing them- which is why if you hang around me long enough-you'll end up in my photo log of over 2000 pictures. I like to practice with my friends, some photograph real well- others don't. Photogenicity(my word for 'being photogenic') has a lot to do with ones confidence in front of the camera and less to do with their physical features. When i say someone is photogenic, i mean that they have an honesty about themselves in front of the camera. Its actually a lot harder than it looks. I love photgraphing people like that, but they are few and far between.

Oddly enough I hate people taking pictures of me. I smile in most pics- its my default camera face. It makes me look nice or sweet. And suppose for the most part i am. But i have yet to see a pic of me that really shows me. I'm not sure I'd want to see that picture.

So on an unrelated note- i'm back to atlanta. I hate flying and two shots of vodka (courtesy of the man next to me) fixed that problem. I got off the plane and was greeted by moya who drove me home in her new one. She has a beautiful car and a lovely apartment. We went to see Alysia- it was so great to see her. We watched being bobby brown but i was knocked out within minutes. we drove home amidst a crazy storm- swearving to avoid trees that were knocked over by the sudden lightning storm. A huge tree had fallen and blocked the road and we watched as the power line sparked...

Blackout- i couldnt sleep. I can't sleep in silence, i hate to hear thoughts running through my head. I've trained myself to drown out my loud thoughts with the sound of alughtracks on the tv.

back here- gotta make it happen. Want to take more and more pics, want to share my visions with others.

Sigh...

alii

Dance like nobody's watching

A few shots from my weekend. Yes some of us were more drunk than others...

I was going to grace yall with some pics from my weekend

BUT WHEN I GOT MY DISK BACK-IT HAD SOME RANDOM WHITE FAMILY POSING AT YOSEMITE!!!!!


SCREAM!!!!!!!!!
-love, alii

Fresh Meat

So theres some new 'family' on its way to spelman. A transfer student, 22 from the Bay, and her name starts with an "A". (sound familiar).

I peeped her yesterday at the club, talked with her a few times on the phone. Though statistically we sound similar, we aren't anything alike. But I don't care. I would type more but I don't want to put her on blast.

She's cool, i hope she likes spelman and vice versa. Its gonna be an interesting transition for her, and you know how im always worried about that. A new transfer...remember that Bettina?

Transfernites represent!!!!!!

Nothing compares to you

I havn't laughed in awhile- being here without my her leaves me with only half smiles and chuckles. Sometimes I scowl when i walk, i know this because people tell me.
Especially lately.

Went running around the lake

I ran 3.5 miles, my last mile was 7:05...im trying to get back into the 6's. My knee is still bothering me-- I hope it doesnt prevent me from playing soccer next semester. The bay is in the midst of a 'heat wave' as defined by weather over 70 degrees for more than 3 consecutive days. (They dont know heat..if im wearinbg a sweater at noon- it is not a heat wave)

Running is a great way to think, i don't like running with people- its distracting. So it was me alone with my thoughts.

My friends blog had me thinking about New England, where i was raised. I had the classical new england childhood. I lived in a 'town' of 26,000. Bundles up and went sleeding in the winter, jumped into the golden leaves in the fall. My brick school had a bell on the roof. It was a safe area, we could walk through town without incident. In middle/high school(my middle school burned down) I would walk 2.3 miles to school, and 2.3 miles back. Though cold, walking became like meditation. Seeing my tracks through the fresh driven snow as i cut through the park and on my way home they were frozen over. If it was quiet enough, you could hear the snow hit the ground. I can still feel my jeans heavy and wet, squeaking as i trekked into the school. Taking my snow boots off and changing into my regular school shoes, and a fresh puddle at the bottom of my locker.



Seasons, something that actually exists in New england, treks the passage of time. There are 4(not two) and they each come with their surprises and annoyances. Summers are 95 degrees and 180 days later its 5 degrees. Spring(birth) and autumn(passing) are in between, reminding us that nothing really lasts forever.

I have not returned to that particular home in 3 years. My house is no longer there but its still living in the back of my mind. A big yellow two family house that changes like the seasons.

Its funny how in july- running and sweating, i could only think of winter. I wonder if my mind purposely blocked out the memories of swealtering humid hot summers punctuated by an occasional hurricane. My mind longed for a blizzards, nor'esters, snow days. The loud humming of snowplows scraping the cement through the night, the snow blowers doing the sidewalk in the morning. The dead silence that snow brings. If i could i would make me a snowman right now and dance with it until it melted and my dream ended.

Back to sore legs and ben gay...

Her name is alysia

My first day of spelman, first class, I recognized her from her friendsterpic. I was too shy to say anything to her. It would have sounded something like "hi im ali and im gay".

she went away for awhile, far off to South africa- i thouht i would never see her again. thought i missed my chance to say hello. I was wrong.

she's special, special to me. She let me come in her room even when she wasnt there. I miss standing outside her window and shouting through the screen to let me in. Walking in her room and turning on the TV and kicking my shoes off like i live there.

Because without alysia I would see Charis a lot less, i wouldnt look at flat booty at the Vortex, No one would drive to compton to see me. no one to go to inserrections with. no one to compare locs to. My dance buddy at queer girls parties, my friend and sister...

So happy birthday to you and our locs,

alii