Stomach hurts, Couldnt sleep want to join the military.

Not sure why. PArt of me wants some structure and excitement. Part of me wants to get over MB and get out of Atlanta. Part of me wants to just get away from everything and everybody for awhile. It will give me some money for school and some stability. Something that i need desperately. I want some independence, confidence and future.

Im just scared of the sommitment. But then again- im always scared of commitment

I've been slacking on this blog but I am determined to get back on track.

The braces are moving these teeth merrily around my mouth. Rearranging themselves in various configurations for a day. then reappearing elsewhere about my mouth. As my teeth continue to do this little tango, my bite shifts. Meanwhile the bracketless molars are raging with jealousy. They dont have the coveted bling so they shift in protest. Usually at the most inopportune times.

My face shape is changing. Its longer, no longer the fat cheeks. Im not sure how i feel about this. So far its going well. For a while I wanted extractions but Im happy I didnt get them. Im also not tripping about the midline being slightly off. My obsession is slowly dying off. My first teeth had personality and i feel like a traitor for ordering to line up. They never did anything wrong- they were just being themselves....

Sigh. This atarted off such a happy post

New car new problems

My mother is allowing me to take the ol trusty family vehicle (a 1998 civic 120k). Excited!!! i have a few options. ! wait til christmas and drive it back from LA or have it shipped for about 750 dollars. Somehow i dont trust the shippers. Yet the route from Los Angeles to Atlanta has got me seeing red...

And if they asked me what i did with my life I would say

So Today, this is what I did

1.Got to work(cant overlook the small miracles)
2. Helped a girl format a resume
3. helped a man put an ad for a green 98 escalade(upon posting the photo, i noticed that it was not an escalade but actually cadi seville which meant we had to go back and repost it all with 5 minutes left)
4. Found a mother some books on Jackie Robinson
5. Explained that we did not have a copy of Steve Harveys book act like a lady, think like a man and that when we do get it- it will be on hold
6/ Played computer traffic control with 15 patrons and 9 computers
7. ....Dont even remember
7.WENT TO MY OWN DAMN HOUSE ON MY OWN DAMN COMPUTER AND ZONED THE HELL OUT...

Good Days and Bad days

The library is off to a bad start. All kinds of Friday attitudes being thrown my way. but its payday and i can atleast celebrate that. In particular, this one patron who has a butterfly tattoed across her chest. And now that its nearing summer-her chest is seeing plenty of daylight. THe 12 year old boy sitting next to her is mesmorized, its school break and he supposed to be doing homework (his father told me so) but those breasts- cant take his eyes off em.

Up all night. All night. Cant stop thinking about that best friend i used to have. ITs too painful sometimes, but every morning and every night i think about her. I miss her terribly. Bt is it too selfish to apologize....

He-man women haters club

Perhaps it was the way we walked in, perhaps it was the twisties in my hair. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.

I just think he didn't like women. especially small black petite ones that look younger than the daughter posed on his desk in a prom desk. Evidently he cant picture her holding an m-16.
I walked in- he said nothing- just stared looked annoyed that anyone dare step into the recruitment office and place their feet upon his sacred air force blue carpet.

"May i help you"? He looked up from the 20 year old boy that was in his office. I told him i wanted to speak to a recruiter. Sit down and wait for me to finish

The door was open. I was hearing all kinds of information. I overheard him telling the guy about basic military training, what you could bring, what you couldn't. I heard about Burger King on Lackland Air Force Base and all kinds of insider info. 30 minutes later he was finished. I walked in...silence. I had 6 questions, all of them answered with a one word answer. We were done in less than 5 minutes.

Bullshit

Is it bad to work in the library and be tempted to buy a kindle?

I cant keep my glasses clean

I haven't worn glasses regularly since the 7th grade. And since im waiting until next week(payday) to order some contacts from 1800contacts, i have been wearing my glasses for the last 2 weeks. Its a new pair. The first pair i have owned since 7th grade. With my new insurance i decided to go buy a pair. I lucked out, the entire pair was 50 dollars for me.

Theyre cute, actually fit. but there is a small problem. I cant keep them clean for the life of me. I have to clean them every 2 hours. I dont know how i spent my entire childhood wearing glasses. I remember my mom telling me to clean my glasses every other day and i would tell her that 'i could see right through the dirt'. Well now i cant. Its driving me crazy.

And my focal point is different. My peripheral vision is off. but i kind of like taking my glasses of at night. Give my eyes a break from seeing. Vision just fades into shadows.

But i havnt forgotten the joy of blindly petting the floor lookign for my glasses in the morning.

Dont judge a library by its book drop

So I've been working at this library for almost 8 months nw. Oh how time flies. The library I work in is patronized by mostly white seniors (60 plus) and white Children under 12 (said white children are often accompanied by a person of a darker hue whom they simply refer to as 'help'). It is classic southern atlanta where house parties are staffed by valets and children wear white linen in the summer. It is a branch where people are eager to pay their 15 cent fine to 'clear their name' and books generally come back on time. The seniors appreciate the relative simplicity of the library, doesnt involve a lot of technology (in fact i never see them even touch the computer catalog to look up a book, they much prefer I tell them where to find it which i gladly do). ITs a realtively uneventful library branch with a high circulation and low computer use.

Well after 7 monthes of getting used to my cozy branch, my manager sends me down to provide coverage for a library on the other side of atlanta (i.e. the colored section). And as my friend Alysia says 'I wasnt ready'.
I pull up to this library, which is surrounded by-and i am not exaggerating- a ms. winners chicken and bisquit, mcdonalds, happy's package store, and some corner mart where I have gone in to buy the exact same minute maid 100% orange and pineapple juice and have been quoted 3 different prices. (For the record, I dont like 'barganing' over some damn orange juice especially 10 cents, but i don play that shit).

But back to the library, I near the entrance and as i turn the corner i see a man getting arrested right in front of the library. Man what a great start. Now when i went into the library, it was quiet, actually quieter than my own branch. I was pleasently surprised. Id never heard 'my people' so quiet...even if half of them were updating myspace pages and watching you tube withheadphones. The rest of the day was wonderful. Its a great branch, truly diverse. Times is rough for everybody but its a branch that really serves the community. I helped people with resumes, line margins up for people writing letters to their civic leaders, showed someone how to cut and paste text from an email onto word. I felt very accomplished.

So just like you cant judge a book by its ocver, i suppose you cant judge a library by its book drop...

I'm fucking hilarious...

Pressure

Ive been feeling a lot of pressure lately to read a certain series of books. Everyday I process holds and inevitable I will see one of Alexander McCall- Smiths No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency books slip through. Now this isnt new. In fact, one of my old roomates told me once to read the series. Now I'm not a lover of fiction so I didnt read them at the time but now Im curious...

Supposedly there is a BBC series featuring Jill Scott playing the title character. I was kinda hoping I could wait until the series moved across the ocean and hit the US. That way I didnt have to use my rusty imagination to picture the characters. I could just rely on some one elses...

I guess a little excersie of my imagination wouldnt kill me...

Strawberry fields forever (or a six inch pot for a field)

I've caught a minor case of green thumb so i decided to grow up some fruit. This is my strawberry plant. The pot is probably too small but im hoping that my little foray into the farming industry will be...well "fruitful"

Boston

I made it to Boston to see lil sis graduate with a masters in education/ Im so so proud of her.

Every year boston seemes more and more like a mythical place i used to live. Its not real. Every year i know fewer and fewer people from there. Sometimes i forget i used to live there...

But alas i got to see some people. My friend from church who now has a daughter and another good friend from high school who is moving further south. I spent most of m time with my family, went tofilenes basement and it was closed! so much for that little excursion. but i was able to get to macy's and score a pair of shorts that fit me.
So i call this trip rather successful.

Life is good, my hours at work have been reduced, but im not trippin. More freetime for my little secret project...

And i iwll be back with more pictures....

The View from here

Aww libraries, the one place i could stay for hours, reading shit i probably shouldnt have been reading. Checking out newspapers from all over the country. I used to read chicagos paper every week while i was in the 7th grade, imagined i was living there, though i had never set foot in htes state. I was also a big fan of the microfiches/ microfilms that were housed in the basement of the Boston Public Library. I knew every corner of that library and half the staff. I miss that library, it was my second home, my teacher and my friend...

Well time to do my job, ill finish this later...

I just found out that there are news librarians

This has been the highlight of my day. I mean ive heard of news archivists but i can do my job in a newsroom. Of course im sure this makes absolutely no one excited but myself but what the hell its worth mentioning...

Good weather, i'm less stressed

Rode my bike to job two, though my dad would have been very disappointed at me for not wearing a helmet... Its a nice 12 minute ride on what i call the bike expressway, a little trail that runs underneath the marta tracks...

I want to make some new friends this summer. Still have yet to figure out how to make that happen. I am so very antisocial, its painful. I dont think i realate to people well. I want friends- no actually i want some one to go with me on my off the wall adventures. People saaay they'll go, yet when i call them they're not as interested. Or the thought of spending alone time with someone scares the shit out of me.

I guess i just want company. Someone interesting who listens to me. I get so lonely. I wonder if loners ever get lonely.

Aww but i wont dwell on that. Friends do show up in the most random of ways. Usually when you least expect it... I hope that happens.

Oh yeah,- the secret plan is back in action YAY!

Being ahead of your time is overrated

People say that shit like its a compliment. Whenever i read about someone being ahead of their time all i feel is sadness Because what their really saying is that- you have great ideas but were just gonna stay comfortable and lazy. The world isnt ready for you. But if the world isnt ready for you, who is? Who can youre friends be? Who would take you seriously? Someone you dont know 10 or 15 years after you are dead. Who is there to validate you or let you try out your new ideas. I wonder if its like being in a stalled car knowing the gas station is a mile away and closed.

If only, if only people cooperated.

I wonder if its comforting writing something and knowing that in the future, youre work will be celebrated or referred to as classic or genius? I would think not. But perhaps it is...

INTP do you know what i mean

So MB has a shirt with 4 letters on it which she later explained were her myers briggs letter. She then promptly sat me down and made me take the test. I took it, was puzzled with the intp result- didnt know what that meant...

So mostly i relied on my astrological sign, Aquarius, to describe my personality but recently i have been reintroduced to my 4 letters which happen to be intp. Basically i am an introvert who analyzes everything and feels very little.

http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP_rel.html

um yeah, explains a lot.

Went to California last week, saw old freinds, Alex and Christine,Angel, Ajani Jssica. My parents, sisters, grandmother and popo aunts. IT was filling. Lke a good meal. ALmost as though i had never left. rented a car, drove through berkeley for the first time. Saw the routes i used to walk, the whole tamale. Oh yeah, had tamales.

It as nice to go back. My weeks before I worked 58 hour weeks just to cushion the financial blow the week ould take, but it was well worth it. Drove to Big Sur, tasted the salty ocean, ate clam chowda in bread bowls in fishermans wharf, had crepes in the castro. Ate on Monterey's cannery row and watch the seals swim onto the docks. Took a trolley and chased the sunset... California showed off its best weather...

My sisters how they have grown. Im the oldest yet my sisters seem to keep outgrowing me...Its getting a little old.

ITs really late, having one of these night time insomniac attacks I thought i had it cured with my job and stability but something else is troubling me. So many things seem so hard to verbalize, cant seem to find the words. I guess ill just have to work through it.

Not much to report today, just trying to get some sleep

The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind

Something thats been on my mind lately. how can everyone fit in?

I recently went to another branch of the system. THis one was in a more um 'urban area'. Now I oft compalin that we have too many damn books (this is usually when im the one having to reshelve them all) . I usually have to spend a few hours pushing books aside and squeezng in the newest bestsellers. THen i have to try and convince someone to weed some of these book...

But back to what i was saying. I was in another library and they seem to have the opposite problem. Too many shelves too few books. THe books on the shelves were generally unread, i could tell by the sound they made when i opened them.

Libraries and Journalism are two of my favorite instituions, both are threatened and i think some creative thinking can help navigate around that. Ive seen some cities (Seattle, San Francisco who have actually inncreased the numbers of patrons by offering innovative programs and cafes and all that shit) Unfortunately I dont think Atlanta is particularly innovative. (In fact most shit is reactive)

Im not sure i want to be a librarian. Sometimes Im geeked about the profession and other times Im hesistant...

Guess I just have to wait and see.

THings are looking up-I think its a direct corrolation with the weather

But i dont want to jinx anything. My secret project was stalled by yet another mishap but i havnt given up yet.

But on a nicer note- i got a new place. ITs cozy and seriously lacking in some areas but its also cozy and utilites are included so i wont complain. The job thing is starting to work out though. more hours, more responsibilty. Sure my co workers drive me nuts but its something to do. And if there is one place i can stand being in for hours its in a library. ALA conference coming up.

The weather is getting better which hopefully means my mood will improve. In two weeks ill be headed back to Berkeley. See family, friends and water. But until then ill be hustling these hours and working 50 hour weeks until i cant stand.