I was made to love her

or was she made to have me.

So for awhile i've had this slight obessesion with a camera. Her silver body with all the right curves, 10 megapixels of pure beauty. Everytime i go into Ritz Camera to pick up my prints, she whistles at me like a crack whore from her spot on the second shelf behind the glass.

"Alison baby, take me home, ill do things to you...."

"naw" i say, i have a wife and two kids at home I have a private education to finance

I look at her longingly from the line as she dances on a pole in front of me- shaking her goods side to side. I stand there, bills in my hand ready to tip her and hopefully bring her home. But the bouncer Ritz camera sales boy stares at me- reminding me to keep a safe distance.

For monthes i pick up the Ritz camera sales quarterly, scanning the pages like a dirty magazine. Cutting out pics and hanging them on my mirror- 'one day ill have you, just you wait. Imma rescue you from the Decatur store and we can live together and frolick in the hills...'

i pick up my prints and turn around for one more glance of her. She winks at me

next time baby,

next time

*i learned from summer the strikethrough
*I learned from jalylah the importance of astericks at the bottom of the post

The freaks come out at night.

Tonight was a full moon. I'm a moon fanatic. And though im fron the west coast and love watching sunsets over oceans and bays, there is something ever so fascinating about this giant white ball sitting in the sky. It changes shape, sometimes you cant even see it but its there. It reminds me of the passage of time. Its no coincedence that womens cycles are 28 days as well.
It controls oceans...Need i say more.

During my sleepless nights i see the moon peeking at me, waiting patiently for me to close my eyes and loose myself in slumber. Sometimes i do, sometimes i dont, but through the blinds its always there...



I wish i had a telescope, especially with a camera at the end, but i dont. But that didnt stop me from snapping a picture with my trusty digi cam....

I don't get it

I mean wasnt the first one annoying enough?

Can I please graduate

Why is this shit taking so long. Let me rephrase this question, why am I dragging this shit out? Why are most of my friends in Ph.D. programs and I have yet to get out of undergrad?

So a few weeks ago I was with my friend, we were going to Georgia State so that she could get me one of those seriously underpriced MARTA cards. I was looking around thinking hmmm should i transfer here? Its a much better enviroment for a student over the age of 23. I could focus on classes minus the social. I could take some fascinating classes that you can only take at a state school. And lastly, Georgia State is less than 3000 dollars a semester for tuition. Simply a matter of economics. Spelman avergaes about 7000 semester. Shit my americorps stipend would almost clear out a semesters full-time tution at GSU.

MY reasons for staying at Spelman are quite superficial. Really the only reason i'm staying is because I want SPELMAN on my diploma. In addition- I have met some fabulous people and great friends and learned a lot about feminism. Its also nice to be in an all black classroom. Spelman can feel very familial at times. Most of all I worked to hard to get here- I need to commit to something, follow through and graduate. It is something that i'm very bad at doing. I usually get within inches and then somehow pull out.... I've got to finish this race.

But GSU, is a great school. It has some classes that I find really interesting. It's a quite a bargain. I can just go to class then come home- no socializing required. They have great facilites (gym and performance halls) and all kinds of other goodies. Plus I can get a cheap MARTA card(hey thats a deal breaker).

So thats whats been circulating in my head lately.

Other things:

I stole another another newspaper from the MARTA station this morning(money collector thing sometimes doesnt work so you can just pull it open and grab a paper. The station agent tried to yell at me but i responded 'it didnt want my money 'then took off like an arthritic track star. Off all the things i could shoplift, I choose a newspaper? I'm gangsta forreal)

But really, how are you gonna act all brand new when the machine takes my money, like you have nothing to do with the AJC but then act all crunk and committed when i take a paper for free.

I'm just saying.

One last thing. It is 75 degrees out and the library still wants to blast the air condition. Why do people insist on putting on ac in the winter time? I am not a piece of meat that needs to be shipped across the country so why do i feel like one in this 61 degree computer lab? I HATE HATE HATE AC. AC should only be used when it is 85 or over. And even then it should be used sparingly. I fucking have goosebumps!!!

until later- when i'm feeling decisive...

me

BWD

Blogging while Drunk

well not exactly- just slightly lifted

It's 3:25 am and i have resorted to a glass of Vodka and Madea goes to Jail to try to encourage some sleep. But damn, Madea is too funny. Or is it because i've been drinking?

Nah- this shit is hilarious

I did two weeks with blockbuster internet movie delivery- I did the free trial (suckas!!) then promptly quit after two weeks and now i'm on Netflix's trial even though if I want something bad enough- i will alter MB's quene and some how my movies rise to the top. Netflix is cool though- I'm on the 5 at a time plan which will end next Saturday at 12:01

So next up I have a slew of documentarys including:

Lost Boys of Sudan- Kinda like a real life "Coming to America" okay maybe not.

Trekkies 2- A follow up doc to trekkies, a movie about trekkies

A life without Pain- I seent this girl on Oprah not to long ago- she didnt feel pain and it was rough

and Madea (which moya has repeatedly knocked off her Quene evrytime i sneak it on there)

Okay so if i dont blog for a second its because im trying to see every movie on Netflix that i can before next Saturday

Damn-still aint sleepy.

A house is not a home

My grandparents had their 55th anniversary today. They have been married 55 years-DAMN. when I was 2 years old I went to live with my grandparents- they have lived in the same house for more than 50 years. They raised two girlls- both girls who got married and each had two girls. There are no uncles on that side of the family, no boy cousins, just four little girls.

This post aint really deep.

But I love my grandparents, they filled in the gaps- paid for gymnastics lessons, team uniforms, violin lessons and sent me long johns in the long Boston Winter. When we were in a car accident 1 year after moving to Boston, My grandmother hopped on a plane and stayed in Boston to care for my sister and I while my mom was in the hospital. My grandfather was my first track coach, at age 4 he brought me across the street and had me running through a vacant field while he held his stop watch to see if i was getting any faster. When I decided I wanted to do little league, he pulled out his old wooden bat and took me to the park to teach me the technique. My grandfather was an archivist, but not really a historian. He still has some of the early videos of my birthday parties, my first solo at church and even vacations.

I dont know who i would be without them.

#45

Students protest Spelman's silence on rumors of rape


I don't even know what to say

9/20

8:45 a.m. Wake up to the Today show

9:oo-a.m play around with my hair until my hair and I come to an agreeable style...my hair usually wins

9:30 Walk out house to catch the bus to the train station

9:31 Chase the bus down the street because its early

9:31 Bus drivers laughs "get a good workout?' he asks

9:42 arrive at Marta station-the AJC newspaper vending machine takes my money but wont give me a paper which sends me into a violent rage

9:46 still no paper

10:00 Give up and go catch my train with no paper. Instead i read a brochure about a new Schizophrenia medication the whole ride there

10:37:Arrive at work with no badge- New security guard doesnt recognize me and is forced to call someone downstairs to let me in

10:45 -Make it upstairs to the computer lab where one patron is overjoyed to see me-

11:00-7 people in the lab needing one on one assistance and I'm the only one there

1:30-Tired and exhausted- the Womens Health Initiative,( a work program for women recieving TANF) shows up for their class which I end up teaching

3:00-Class is over and I am in serious need of a break so I call it a day and go home

3:05-I remember I have to email women about outreach so I spend another 30 minutes working on outreach

3:30- I meet Jazmine downtown and start the 50 minute commute back home

4:30- I make it back just in time to see the second half of Oprah and the Jim McGreevey interview

6:20- MB comes an we go to the grocery store

7:00-MB cooks spaghetti and I eat my first meal of the day

8:00- I email potential References asking if I can use them, polish up resume and compose a coverletter

9:00-watch a little miscellaneous TV- including nip/tuck

11:57- Assist MB with her PowerPoint Presentation

12:30 Katt Williams special on HBO

2:15 decide to write in my blog

According to my clock it is 4:01 am---and yet I'm still not tired

sighhhhh

I'm still here

I'm not dead

SI'm not in the mood for writing anything deep right now. Its 2 am and tomorrow i dont have to wake up early because Wednesdays are my sanity days. My little slice of paradise in the middle of the week.

So I'm just going to list a few things that make me happy.

My mother,
my father
My 6 year old sister who made 5 goals in her last soccer game
My 21 year old sister who is on track to graduate soon
The rest of my family and friends
My health (considering i dont have health insurance)
My Marta Pass to the world
ATM machines that still give out 10 dollar bills
Bank of Americas check scanner on the ATM
Patrons who already have their resume on a disk and just need help attaching it to an email
The 30 dollar library fine that I managed to get knocked off my card
Lower gas prices 2.19 ATL as of 9/19
Idlewild Soundtrack and Hollywood Divorce
Project Runway
Katt Williams
Star Trek The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine....I dont fuck with Enterprise yet
Fayetteville Ark (especially Dickson St and Hornsby Drive)
Jeans and T-shirts
My AmeriCorps Team, the ones that are still standing
God/Nature
Good questionsThoughtful answers,
New Job opportunities
Noah's Ark-especially Noahs fine ass
Moyas cooking- especally her pastas

and the list goes on...I'll add to it later

Movin on up

Have you ever seen your house naked? Today I stood in my house waiting for Hafeeza to roll up and help me move the matresses out. There was nothing there- just my infamous matresses that just yesterday seemed to be making the trek from Alysia's house, in Ambers rental truck down Peachtree, to my house where i turned 15 backflips. It sat there- saw its share of company, friends, family and then they were reloaded onto Hafeezas black pick up truck(if u look closely you can see them in the pics) where we delivered them to its current location.

I will miss my house, isnt she cute? Her hard wood floors and wood molding. Her nonfunctioning fireplaces and exposed light fixtures. Her big kitchen where my roomate would make me meals because i couldnt cook. The large windows and porch and yard. I wont miss her shabby insulation and cracks where those giant flying roaches would crawl under the door and fly into the house like a pigeon in a subway station. I wont miss that $358.00 heat bill that came during christmas and stole all my christmas money.

I had neighbors- not to be confused with people-who-live-next-door. We once called our neighbor over at 11 pm to kill this scary ass bug that was too high for even my 5'10 roomate to reach. When he came over he laughed at us west coast transplants hiding in the corner and shreaking everytime the bug moved.

My roomate has moved on- found another place after doing the impossible. I will truly miss her. And of course the dog who had more friends than me and Feeza combined.

I'm so sad- I miss my house already :(...

If i could get paid in thank yous

Then i'd be set. But of course that shit dont pay the rent. Today i did get two hugs and some nice comments from some great patrons,

Last week Moya came and volunteered with me- she helped so much. She's a natural.

I'm looking for a new place-moving out in two weeks. Having to say goodbye to a beautiful home and a great roommate...tear

All the new places are either too expnsive, roomates are kinda wierd or male, too many goddamn people living there, not near a MARTA station or damn near in Alabama. My current house is a lovely two bungelow with a huge kitchen and hardwood floors in the West End minutes away from the city. I think i got spoiled by having just one roomate who was similar in age. That can make a huge different.

I havnt had a white roomate since that crazy broad at UC Santa Cruz from Fresno who hung up on my mother when she called or the other roomate who wore cat ears around and decorated our room with Death Metal posters...Yeah that shit lasted a good week.

This post is rambling.

So back to apt hunting. Now im all picky. I want a two bedroom house preferable with hardwood floors, near a MARTA station- but not so far that no one can visit. I would like a cable set-up, utilities included, all electric, fun loving roomate with minimal 'guests', something that resembles a backyard, a porch, a good neighborhood where i can concievably walk at night without ending up on the 5 o'clock news or casket...just something nice and stable.

Got futon, will travel!

I want you forever....

I dont know shit about pool

This blog isnt really about anything.
Thursday i took a mental day from work-to presearve my sanity for the upcoming week. Though i love working them- the situation is becoming incresingly difficult. Sometimes i'm on the verge of quitting but then a patron thanks me and i feel guilty for even entertaining those thoughts. Sigh. Damn conscience.
The weeknd was cool. F iona had her book release party, I'm so very proud of her. Moya cooked a killer lasagna . I was able to connect with a few people i hadnt seen in awhile, visited friends. Aghh-didnt get to go swimming though.
Tomorrow im beginning my water aerobics course to get into shape. I'm beinning to feel like a potato. I should not be huffing and puffing up a flight of stairs.

Thats all- im leaving you with pics of us playing pool-this shit is real amusing...at least to me. Black Kortney takes a shot at the White ball

Shan shows us how its done ATL style

MB holds it down for the lefties with Jaz and Gazelle by her side

A little homesick (02478)

Sometimes i get homesick- like when I see Boston on TV or when I asked Jazmine this morning for a strahrw. I can instantly hear Downtown Boston, the load hard accents, the snowplows scraping the streets, the 'T' screeching on the tracks, the way the coins hit the bus fair box, the sirens that go off when theres a snowday, the smell of clam chowda, the taste of whole clams(not to be confused with clam strips), the feel of snow creeping into my rubber boots...

my childhood, frozen in time

I want ot go back so bad...

Pride can be so anticlimatic

just like anything really, spring break, 21st birthdays, graduation, life...

Like you know how you and your friends spend hours getting your hair ready, trying on 5 different outfits and putting on makeup b4 going to the club and then when you get there its like...why was it more fun getting ready with your friends than the club itself. Maybe it was the anticipation....or maybe its just me.

It's always, i can't wait to go to pride! There's gonna be HELLA girls, and we gonna be out partying all night long, its gonna be fuckin bananas!!

And then pride comes...and then it goes.and yeah..or maybe its just me

It wasnt prides' fault this year that it rained all weekend which made me want to be around the homos even less than i ordinarily do. And neither do i mean to say that i dont have fun.I just think that a lot of times over anticipation leads to disappointent.

but sometimes joy pops out when you least expect it. And thats what keeps me from being too pessimistic.

This pride i went to two great house parties and spent some time with Alysia and her sisters. I didnt make it to the park, or the club or even the parade.

It was my favorite pride ever.

Suga suga, That's my sista

She said sprinkle me sprinkle me..

(For real that song came out 11 years ago? Who knew that the highlight of my trip to the bay would be hearing E-40 blasting in downtown oakland)

The girl under the sprinkler is my littlest sister. Six year olds can appreciate a sprinkler on a hot day. A six year old can, in the middle of the day and without warning, run upstairs, find her bathing suit at the bottom of her drawer and throw it on in less than 60 seconds with the suggestion that she may be able to go outside. Said kindergarten gradute can, with all her strength, pull a woman twice her weight and 4 times her age outside to enjoy the sprinkler with her...


Sure we have mothers day and fathers day-maybe ill create me a holiday just for sisters and it isnt limited to biological sisters. She's not heavy, she's my sister...

(Peep the gold slippers with the tube socks, thats what i'm talkin about :))

East Point and we gone

Today i woke up early- because I was supposed to go to East Point library and teach this class. It takes an hour on the marta to get there from where I stay. Its a fucking ridiculous commute but thats besides the point.

I just barely missed the bus- i ran- with my best track skills combined with my arthritic knees and tried to catch it but failed. Just choked in the brown exhaust it blew in my face.

Theres no recourse- had to wait 20 minutes for the next one.

I sat on the train angry at myself, watching the minutes tick by resisting hearing shoulda coulda wouldas in my head. When i got to the train, the station was installing their breeze system forcing me to walk around the entire opposite end of the station just to get out...insult to injury right? I dont make excuses but I' hate when i mess up. I sat there on the train nervous- for being late and about teaching this class by myself. I got there- they were all there, ready to learn. Out of breath i started my course.

It's all over and the only thing i can do at this point is do better next time.

I fdont know how my teach for america roomate teaches everyday to second graders. I would kill myself.

look i'm online

I'm so tired. Tomorrow i have to get on that plane. Flying takes a lot of mental energy for me- i'm so afraid of flying. I might try to get drunk and pass out- thats what i usually do.

Tomorrow ill get to see family. My cuz is graduating stanford. Favorite is already out there, im dying to take her around the 'town'. And ill get to see how hyphy Angel has gotten since she moved there a year ago to this month.

Bay food, bay music, east bay, bay weather, bay views, bay clubs, bay gays and bay fam.

sincerely yours

Sunday i had the fortune of hanging out with some people i havnt spent time with in a looong time. We had fun- danced. I met my twin. A young woman from South Carolina who looks eerily similar to me and also mannerisms.

Speaking of sisters- i get to see them...alll of them this weekend. I love my sisters. I am so blessed. I also get to see my paretns(both of them) grandparents, aunties...a mini 5 day family reunion.

Work is tiring, i'm really looking forward to going on this break. And thouhg i love it and enjoy the patrons, sometimes i feel like i'm on the verge of burning out. Sometimes its like my patience is being set on fire,

Alysia came by and latchooked my hair all up so that i can resume jumping into the pool every 3 days without all my hair unraveling.

I'm back in glasses. I'm trying to save up to go to the optometrist and get a new prescription so that i can actually see.

I'm moving soon- from my beautiful West end neighborhood to a not yet determined location- prolly inman square or that neighborhood. Its going to be a hard parting- the west end-my room w/ fireplace and porch. So many memmries and friends who came through there. And my roomate.,,

Oh Kathy griffin is on- gotta go

Ali's Sun

I havnt been blogging lately mostly because its been so nice out. That hot humid Georgia heat is starting to creep in and i walk around in shorts and tanks, my brow wet with sweat, the stearing wheel burning my hands. It isnt hot enough for that air condition but just give me a few weeks.
My skin is starting to get that black girl summer glow, and being someone who is a (not-so) undercover nudist, its giving me an excuse to walk around in nearly nothing.

Last week we jumped in the pool with Alysia. Floated on our backs and let the water hit our hair. My(our) hair is starting brush the top of my back and i can even put most of it back..(okay 80%- im still working with the bobby pins.) They've come a long way. Sometimes i contemplate coming them out then i remeber my natural hair and how much maintenance it took to keep it out my face. I really hate hair being in my face- sometimes i used to swat at my bangs thinking they were bugs flying in my face...

Work is lovely. I find myself enjoying teaching classes- its not so bad. I taught a class in East Point Atlanta to 8 seniors who were crunk as hell to be on the computer. They were a great bunch 7 ladies 1gentlemen. Since school is out, i been looking for another job. This morning i had an interview for a postition(another library) that i semi want though the pay is good and there are benefits. There were 100 applicants for 2 positions and they finish interviews on Monday. My interview went alright, they asked me like 4 questions, ( what do you plan to do with your degree? how do you go about establishing credibility within your new work enviroment? give an example of a time you were detail oriented? and two more about previous jobs i had.) I gave answers, i was excitied because i had a similar position at the Berkeley Public Library so most of what the job required i had already done before. One of the interviwers seemed interested, the other one, looked like she was not feeling me at all. So i dont know how well i did. I hope i didnt come off as insincere or a know it all. I talked more than i usually do.

The Gemini JAM Birthday party turned out to be a lot of fun. i was stressed as usual, hoping that the BBQ pit wouldnt blow up or someone break a window or some other freak accident. Alysia and I started the evening with a watermelon seed spitting contest though we promptly ended when we realized that the white people were eyeing us suspiciously.

the rest of the night was music, spades and bbq boca burgers. It was great seeing people and i have a few pics to put up.

So thats been my week

i'll be in cali soon-seeingfamily and old friends

life is good today

TO MY FAVORITE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Until I can save up for a new one, ol trusty by my side

If you cant be with the one you love

Love the one your with