I hate

having to ask questions through another question.

Like

Oh are you allergic to something? when I really want to ask, 'who the fuck busted your eye that its so swollen?'

Especially when her kids are right next to her.

What the fuck is this?

Me: (Black 27 y/o female) I took my car to the shop
Man:(Black, white, Asian, Latino, Biracial aged 10-110 MALE) What was wrong with your car?
Me: I needed a new alternator belt
Man(no car experience whatsovever, chest puffed out like a puffin) What kinda car you got?
Me: 98 Civic LX
Man: How much you pay him
ME:75 dollars
Man: Hmm i would have done it for 40(yeah the fuck right)

Man 2: (Same description) How much you pay to have that done
ME: 40 dollars
Man 2: You paid waaaay too much- I would have doe it for you for 20 dollars (like i would have let him near my car in the first place)

Man 3: How much he charge you to fix that alternator belt?
ME: Well she did it for free
Man 3: Free- naw if you'd have let me do it, I would have done it for free and thrown in a free flush...


...you cant win

bad poetry (and Im stuck)

Today
is cold
and the patrons are
special.

Monday- where did my weekend go?

Ortho

The end is in sight. At least until February. Today I went to the ortho, to repair a bracket that saw the loosing end of a battle with a caramel apple. While there, the ortho changed the mangled wire that was cutting into my tongue and put a semi permanent retainer to make sure my gap would never re-appear.

And now I cant speak. I already mumble but my words are even less coherant than before. I wonder how long this will last.

Perhaps

I've had this 'roomy' for 2 months. Now i'll admit its been strange, probably for the both of us, exacerbated by our mutual social awkwardness.
Roomy, in the last two months, has never really been one to say hello, preferring her hellos and goodbyes be the sound of her key turning in the lock. It used to bother me, then gradually i stopped expecting an acknowledgment. When I did say hello, I did so with a haste and she begrudgingly offered up some grumbled response like haveagoodday.

On paper(i.e. emails) we seemed compatible roommates, but I was beginning to think that we werent. We moved through the days like 2 icebergs, careful not to bump into each other, not sure which one would thaw out first. I'd ask her off the wall questions which she succinctly answered. She never asked questions, just answered them and occasionally displayed her more solicitous side via an email.

So imagine my surprise when on my way outside to the car i passed my assiduous roommate on the couch. She stopped typing, looked up and said a soft but sincere 'hey'. I stopped, turned, not sure if I was hearing things. She looked at me like she sometimes does, out the corner of her eye and slightly amused grin.

Maybe this might work out after all.

A cold rainy day I decide I want to write again. Its election day and I'm not interested in voting. And because I didnt fill out the paper work when I moved, i'm still registered over in Candler Park. A whole 2 miles from where I live. I will vote, my cynical self still remembers footage from Black people being hosed down on their way to the polls.

Chris is on her way to China. I hope she has big fun. I'm so excited for her. Even if we did break up.

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

Ms. G.
Little sis has her own classroom. Its tall, wooden with large windows. Sunshine pours in and fills the room, shining light on the colorful posters posted throughout the room. It looks like Kara's 5th grade notebook. A real life Lisa Frank room. I laugh. Only thing missing are the JTT pictures from Tiger Beat.

The magic of a 5th grade teacher. They still believe you live in the school. They still believe your life revolves around them. They tell you things excitedly like its the most important thing in the school.

She has a sister?

Are you fucking kidding me

Today was the library general Staff meeting, led by our distinguished leader Mr John

It was interesting- especially the inner workings of the library. Plans for our new libraries and upgrades etc. Two of our 'underprivileged' libraries Bankhead and Bowen Homes recently closed (they were part of a larger Housing project that was recently razed) I asked Johnny about the branches' future plans and he ended with this jewel 'We have to make sure that the Bankhead community knows we are committed to providing service to the community"

Lol I guess i need to make a special effort to inform Jenny- the lady who believes that her library card was blocked due to a conspiracy to keep blacks from reading-and not because she had 2 lost cd's and a 75 dollar fine.

Buying Books

As a rule, I dont like to buy books. I work in a library for a reason. I also belong to almost every library system in the State of Georgia (its easy because the PINES card is the library card for all but 5 systems in Georgia) I love libraries, I love the fact that when I am finished with the book, it has a place to go. And that place is not under my bed-or on a shelf in my house. When I get ready to move-as I often do, no boxes full of books to move to the next place. No back breaking labor(books are heavy). Once I read a book-i am usually finished with it. And I know that if I ever need to read it again, I can go to my library/my job, and check it out again.

Once in a blue moon a book is so transformative that I simply must buy it. This is very rare. Very rare. Not that books dont touch me, but for the most part, when im done with that temporary relationship- then its time for someone else to enjoy the experience. Besides, I work in a giant bookshelf, why bring work home? Back in the day/When I was a child- they (the 'library people') used to stamp the due date on the book itself. I could see how many people before me had checked it out and i felt part of something bigger than myself. Now that damn receipt prints, which no one reads.I miss the card catalogue by the way. There was an art to finding books then. The reference librarian had to actually look through indexes and other reference material to find out you spelled the authors name wrong. Google didnt ask Did you mean
...but back to my point.

But yes, one such book has got me looking add to my small permanent collection. The Essential Dykes to Look Out for by Alison Bechdel (and spelled correctly with one L). Its a thick book (yes size matters, remember the moving truck) but its just that good. I didnt think it would take me so long to read but it was well worth it. The characters are straight out of my life (or my old life when I dated a womens studies phd student and interated with 'the feminists' on a daily basis.) And Bechdels little black girl hair styles are cute. I've worn about half of them myself. THis is a terrible review by the way and my hope is that this doesnt come up on someones google search. Maybe i shouldnt have typed thw word review. But yeah I love the book. I just do. And thats the best I can do right now.

So now its on to Charis, the feminist bookstore, to purchase. The feminist bookstore. I wonder how many people who go to theses bookstores actually want to but a book? Or even read in the first place? I get the impression that a good number of them just want to fuck the salesbian at the counter. Trying to impress her by buying a book....

Or maybe its just me. but no- i uh go to read.

Stomach hurts, Couldnt sleep want to join the military.

Not sure why. PArt of me wants some structure and excitement. Part of me wants to get over MB and get out of Atlanta. Part of me wants to just get away from everything and everybody for awhile. It will give me some money for school and some stability. Something that i need desperately. I want some independence, confidence and future.

Im just scared of the sommitment. But then again- im always scared of commitment

I've been slacking on this blog but I am determined to get back on track.

The braces are moving these teeth merrily around my mouth. Rearranging themselves in various configurations for a day. then reappearing elsewhere about my mouth. As my teeth continue to do this little tango, my bite shifts. Meanwhile the bracketless molars are raging with jealousy. They dont have the coveted bling so they shift in protest. Usually at the most inopportune times.

My face shape is changing. Its longer, no longer the fat cheeks. Im not sure how i feel about this. So far its going well. For a while I wanted extractions but Im happy I didnt get them. Im also not tripping about the midline being slightly off. My obsession is slowly dying off. My first teeth had personality and i feel like a traitor for ordering to line up. They never did anything wrong- they were just being themselves....

Sigh. This atarted off such a happy post

New car new problems

My mother is allowing me to take the ol trusty family vehicle (a 1998 civic 120k). Excited!!! i have a few options. ! wait til christmas and drive it back from LA or have it shipped for about 750 dollars. Somehow i dont trust the shippers. Yet the route from Los Angeles to Atlanta has got me seeing red...

And if they asked me what i did with my life I would say

So Today, this is what I did

1.Got to work(cant overlook the small miracles)
2. Helped a girl format a resume
3. helped a man put an ad for a green 98 escalade(upon posting the photo, i noticed that it was not an escalade but actually cadi seville which meant we had to go back and repost it all with 5 minutes left)
4. Found a mother some books on Jackie Robinson
5. Explained that we did not have a copy of Steve Harveys book act like a lady, think like a man and that when we do get it- it will be on hold
6/ Played computer traffic control with 15 patrons and 9 computers
7. ....Dont even remember
7.WENT TO MY OWN DAMN HOUSE ON MY OWN DAMN COMPUTER AND ZONED THE HELL OUT...

Good Days and Bad days

The library is off to a bad start. All kinds of Friday attitudes being thrown my way. but its payday and i can atleast celebrate that. In particular, this one patron who has a butterfly tattoed across her chest. And now that its nearing summer-her chest is seeing plenty of daylight. THe 12 year old boy sitting next to her is mesmorized, its school break and he supposed to be doing homework (his father told me so) but those breasts- cant take his eyes off em.

Up all night. All night. Cant stop thinking about that best friend i used to have. ITs too painful sometimes, but every morning and every night i think about her. I miss her terribly. Bt is it too selfish to apologize....

He-man women haters club

Perhaps it was the way we walked in, perhaps it was the twisties in my hair. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.

I just think he didn't like women. especially small black petite ones that look younger than the daughter posed on his desk in a prom desk. Evidently he cant picture her holding an m-16.
I walked in- he said nothing- just stared looked annoyed that anyone dare step into the recruitment office and place their feet upon his sacred air force blue carpet.

"May i help you"? He looked up from the 20 year old boy that was in his office. I told him i wanted to speak to a recruiter. Sit down and wait for me to finish

The door was open. I was hearing all kinds of information. I overheard him telling the guy about basic military training, what you could bring, what you couldn't. I heard about Burger King on Lackland Air Force Base and all kinds of insider info. 30 minutes later he was finished. I walked in...silence. I had 6 questions, all of them answered with a one word answer. We were done in less than 5 minutes.

Bullshit

Is it bad to work in the library and be tempted to buy a kindle?

I cant keep my glasses clean

I haven't worn glasses regularly since the 7th grade. And since im waiting until next week(payday) to order some contacts from 1800contacts, i have been wearing my glasses for the last 2 weeks. Its a new pair. The first pair i have owned since 7th grade. With my new insurance i decided to go buy a pair. I lucked out, the entire pair was 50 dollars for me.

Theyre cute, actually fit. but there is a small problem. I cant keep them clean for the life of me. I have to clean them every 2 hours. I dont know how i spent my entire childhood wearing glasses. I remember my mom telling me to clean my glasses every other day and i would tell her that 'i could see right through the dirt'. Well now i cant. Its driving me crazy.

And my focal point is different. My peripheral vision is off. but i kind of like taking my glasses of at night. Give my eyes a break from seeing. Vision just fades into shadows.

But i havnt forgotten the joy of blindly petting the floor lookign for my glasses in the morning.

Dont judge a library by its book drop

So I've been working at this library for almost 8 months nw. Oh how time flies. The library I work in is patronized by mostly white seniors (60 plus) and white Children under 12 (said white children are often accompanied by a person of a darker hue whom they simply refer to as 'help'). It is classic southern atlanta where house parties are staffed by valets and children wear white linen in the summer. It is a branch where people are eager to pay their 15 cent fine to 'clear their name' and books generally come back on time. The seniors appreciate the relative simplicity of the library, doesnt involve a lot of technology (in fact i never see them even touch the computer catalog to look up a book, they much prefer I tell them where to find it which i gladly do). ITs a realtively uneventful library branch with a high circulation and low computer use.

Well after 7 monthes of getting used to my cozy branch, my manager sends me down to provide coverage for a library on the other side of atlanta (i.e. the colored section). And as my friend Alysia says 'I wasnt ready'.
I pull up to this library, which is surrounded by-and i am not exaggerating- a ms. winners chicken and bisquit, mcdonalds, happy's package store, and some corner mart where I have gone in to buy the exact same minute maid 100% orange and pineapple juice and have been quoted 3 different prices. (For the record, I dont like 'barganing' over some damn orange juice especially 10 cents, but i don play that shit).

But back to the library, I near the entrance and as i turn the corner i see a man getting arrested right in front of the library. Man what a great start. Now when i went into the library, it was quiet, actually quieter than my own branch. I was pleasently surprised. Id never heard 'my people' so quiet...even if half of them were updating myspace pages and watching you tube withheadphones. The rest of the day was wonderful. Its a great branch, truly diverse. Times is rough for everybody but its a branch that really serves the community. I helped people with resumes, line margins up for people writing letters to their civic leaders, showed someone how to cut and paste text from an email onto word. I felt very accomplished.

So just like you cant judge a book by its ocver, i suppose you cant judge a library by its book drop...

I'm fucking hilarious...

Pressure

Ive been feeling a lot of pressure lately to read a certain series of books. Everyday I process holds and inevitable I will see one of Alexander McCall- Smiths No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency books slip through. Now this isnt new. In fact, one of my old roomates told me once to read the series. Now I'm not a lover of fiction so I didnt read them at the time but now Im curious...

Supposedly there is a BBC series featuring Jill Scott playing the title character. I was kinda hoping I could wait until the series moved across the ocean and hit the US. That way I didnt have to use my rusty imagination to picture the characters. I could just rely on some one elses...

I guess a little excersie of my imagination wouldnt kill me...