'Tis the season to be broke

So perhaps this may offend people. And i'm slightly apologetic but not really. Don't take it personally.

The other day I turn on the radio and theyre playing Xmas Carols. mind you, by the other day i mean back in October. The songs made me nauseaus. They were the quintessentioal Xmas songs complete with bells and high excited voices talking about a time when we were dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh. As far as I'm concerned, no one I know has ever dashed through some damn snow with a fuckin horse so stop singing like you've done it...

Christmas gives me a headache. It is my least favorite Holiday of the year. And yes there was a time when it was high on my list (presents and school breaks) but now it has dropped to the bottom- right underneath Columbus Day. I prefer Thanksgiving-even though I hate thanksgiving food- at least I know that just showing up is good enough. During Xmas- I wish I could disappear and wander off to a tropical island where i dont have to be bothered.

In addition to the headaches, excessive retailism, TV commercials, hyper Xmas displays in stores and wild children trying to jump on Santas lap, Xmas is just a sad holiday. It feels forced and desperate. I usually end up poor and destitute after trying to buy everyone a gift and wished i had more money to buy better gifts, then I end up feeling bad that i never had enough to buy them in the first place. Its supposed to be a happy time but I'm too busy scrambling to see everybody and get gifts that its more stressful than relaxing.

It wasnt always this way.

My mom all but stopped celebrating Xmas when we moved to Boston. We started off with big trees and as we got older, the Xmas trees got smaller. I remember when we bought Jr. a 2ft tall Charlie Brown tree that looked more like a branch that fell off a real tree. Every xmas we would drag it up with as much excitment as a traffic jam. We would look at each other and the tree and grudginly wrap some yarn around it. And though we despised it- it became a sort of family pet that sat in the corner far into the next year until someone decided to bring it back down into the basement. My moms gifts were always simple. She made us journals and wrote us lengthy cards that expressed how much she loved us, that she was proud of my sister and I. They were beautiful. I always kept them.
So in my little family (my sis, my mom and I) Christmases were realistic, simple and quick. I miss that.

A few years ago I stopped celebrating xmas and began to give out New Years gifts partly because New Years is my favorite holiday and partly because everything is cheaper after xmas. Its hard not to celebrate xmas in a country that forces you to celebrate it but I'm learning. When i say that I dont celebrate xmas i usually get blank stares and looks of confusion.

"Why" they ask, all concerned or assume that I'm pagan

"Because i dont want to"- I reply. I mean realy- who says I have to?

Bah Humbug