Last year during my second season of track, we had about 5 new girls join the team. One was this beautiful young woman named stephanie. A lifelong oakland resident, she was in her first semester of community college with aspirations of becoming a nurse. I liked Stephanie, during track meets while waiting for the races, she would braid my hair, twisting them into these elaborate designs that lasted maybe a week, then she would take them down. She worked at a hair shop, and i would sometimes stop in to say hello, trying on bright purple wigs and posing in the mirror. Right before my 21st birthday, I asked her to pick out some hair for me but instead she flat ironed it. I was going to Atlanta to see my best friend at morehouse. She laughed made it real cute and wished me luck in atlanta.
I made it to Atlanta, and while i was partying away in the morehouse suites, celebrating my 21st, she was shot. The next morning I get a call that she was dead, "accidently" shot in the head. fuck accidents. I understand there are no accidents but damn, one that leaves a 18 year old dead is painful to swallow. She was at the wrong place at the wrong time...
Sigh, i think of her often, almost every week. I imagine the anguish her family is going through as milestones past. Theyll never have her back.
Last week another 19 year old girl was shot dead in Berkeley. She was president of her high school Black Student Union, and had just completed her sophmore year on a full ride scholarship to Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. She majored in Black studies and was using the summer to intern in a womans shelter. She wsa shot dead in front of her friends alledgedly by another friend. the details are still sketchy, but the fact that she is dead isn't. Her funeral is today, the sight of her face almost brings tears to my eyes and i didn't even know her.
And i dont really know what i want to say. Don't know why im writing this . We all know violence is real, that it affects a disproportionate number of black males. I don't have any new words to offer. No new insight or perspective except for one who is completely saddened everytime we lose someone, especially someone who was doing everything right. but damn its sad. And i think about it all the time.
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4 comments:
sending you love and light. i've been there too i and i feel your pain. all i know is that it's all part of the divine process of life. anything more than that i've just got to surrender into. and sometimes just surrendering to the life part is hard too.
I wish you nothing but love and truth.
Thanks for sharing such a personal emotion.
The realities of the hardships that violence has upon us is disturbing. Everyday we are losing people who contributed so much to our lives and our hearts. And when we ask ourselves why, the answers never seem to be sufficient enough. It saddens me to hear this stories of violent deaths... they happen much too often, especially amongst our Black people. And sadly, I find myself asking who do we blame? Our history, lives, and experiences within this nation was founded on violence and hatred that was afflicted upon us by "others". Therefore, I find it so ironic that I am questioning why violence still exist today. I guess that is because I know and hope that it does not have to.
I do not know you, but your story touched me. It is a story that I have personally experienced too often. And the passion of your Blog expressed words of wisdoms and lessons for the learning that people throughout the world need to hear. You wrte that you did not know why you were writing and you did not know what you can say; but you said enough. Nothing in life happens in vain... you said what needed to be heard and your words influnced at least one person who will do her best to influence someone else.
Stay strong and open for the wisdom that comes to make you who you are. My prayers are with you and anyone else who has had to endure the hardships of losing someone.
Oh Aliii,
Your story took me back a few years. Thanks for sharing and being so honest. **cyberhugs for you. love.
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