Spelman's academic probation-meet your newest student...
academic probation is like the satans dean's list- chronic under achievers, procrastinators, distracted among other deadly sins. Maybe im paying for them now.
I sit down to write a paper and the page stays blank. For hours. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't i get shit done? I'm so frustrated...and scared which is making me angry. Sure its my own fault. No one told me to wait until the last week to do all my papers, i had plenty of time to do it, I could have had this shit done like 3 weeks ago but nooo. And its not that i hate my classes, or dont participate- its the opposite. But when it comes to papers- nothing works...
I'm scared because the exact same thing happened in high school- my g.p.a. took a steady downfall right up to the point where i didnt graduate. In high school i played 3 seasons of sports, worked a job...so theoretically i did have some distractions. But what the hell is this? I dont even work and i havnt seen a gym in like a month, i have plenty of time to focus on my academics yet i cant focus. Everything else seems so much more exciting...
I feel like screaming but i can't. I keep telling myself that itll be over soon. I'm so behind i have numbed myself to my own reality. My tooth is seriously about to fall out, i can't eat, and i cant see a dentist until next week. And who knows how ill pay for that.
Its all so overwhelming right now...i want to go home but i dont have one anymore.
Stalling
alii
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8 comments:
Have you ever thought about meditating? When my head is clogged up with shit other than school, I just light some incense, throw on some Badu, drink some hot tea and think of nicer things in life. After awhile, my brain juices start to flow and I am ready to start working. Its just a suggesting; I am a dual major with two concentrations and two minors, I am pretty sure less is on your plate, but each persons stress is different from another persons....you can do the work or you wouldn’t be at Spelman right? Take it easy and get some work done!
Ashia
Hey ali,
Mi casa es su casa!!! whenever you need.
Jessica
I just read my first post and it sounds a little harsh--sorry!
Ashia
umm well if it makes you feel any better and it won't reading your blog is preventing me from achieving my goals. I should be writing right now but I'm posting a comment on your blog.
I thought about throwing out some catch phrases:
"Respect the process"
"Keep you head up"
"When God closes a door he opens up a window"
but I don't think they are helpful either. My prof sometimes talks papers out. She has a tape recorder and just talks then she listens and transcribes it later. Works for her.
wow thanks guys. So understanding.
Ashia- i didnt think it was harsh at all...where do you live/go to school by the way....just curious
Jessica-hmmm im trying to figure out which jessica this is, but thanks for the offer, Ill be there...whereever you are-sometime...
Jah-its coming- the tape recr sounds like a plan...but thanks for not leaving it to the catch phrases.
its tough but its a lesson on life...do what you gotta do cuz...i will take some responsibilty for you being out and about too...but i will make a conscious effort to help you any way i can..so dont be too hard/but be hard on yourself...and take it one step at a time...i have the same problem myself...its like i can see work being done in my head..so i trick myself into thinking its done already just cause i know i can do it...weird stuff...dont be scared..you can make it happen...just pull out some of that focus inside of you and shit will start poppin..you have some good peeps around you for support...so i suggest...just doing the school thing right now...shit is gonna be here...when you are finished...we still gonna love you and be here if you gotta do work....shit i think this time of year is tough for a lot of folks...recognize that and it will make the struggle a bit easier to deal with..cause you are't alone alii...not at all in this beautiful struggle;)...and i think i wanna take you to the dentist very soon..unless you have an appt already..one less distraction..holla;)..
thanks t,
and dont even thing to share the blame- im 22 a grown ass woman- these papers have been around since February. I have no excuse.
But yeah i have to find a dentist first- ill try that sometime next week...
hey girl, writing papers is a mental process. if you can see yourself getting them done and feel the relief of that completion, then you can work backwards. feel like you're done and write the papers as if you've already done them before. i hope that helps. i'm not sure it's clear. but, basically, it's a mental game. you have to feel the relief and then the relief manifests into the physical
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